


Don't Rush

by timpounce



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Clexa, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2018-07-16 13:20:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 41,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7269922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timpounce/pseuds/timpounce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke is couch surfing, she has just graduated University, not certain what her future holds.<br/>Lexa has had her life planed out since she can remember, everything is on track. She didn't plan for this blonde to come out of nowhere and change everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wednesday: Part 1

Foggy Blue eyes blink open at another soft ‘bang!’ Clarke presses the heels of her palms into her eyes and up through her golden locks. Her hands hit the arm of the couch as she stretches. It takes her a moment to match the bangs and crashes to the kitchen cabinets being closed in the whirlwind that is the petite bundle of muscles making breakfast. A coffee machine sputters out the last of the boiling mixture, as Octavia mutters under her breath. Clarke had been sleeping on Octavia’s couch for three days now and took note of how often Octavia talked to herself or inanimate objects. Clarke chuckled as she sat up slowly her head pounding as a reminder of the night before. Clarke started folding up the blankets and sheets that turned the couch into her makeshift bed. Octavia hands her a steaming mug. She takes it without a word, and uses both hands to hold it as she takes a long gulp.

“Ahhh, nectar of the gods” she exhales with a smile

“I’ll never understand how you can drink it so hot. I’ve got to wait for it to cool down until it’s the optimal temperature!” Clarke looks at her and just shrugs.

“And are you sure you don’t want cream or sugar or anything?”

“Nope, this is perfect” Clarke says as she lifts the mug to her lips to take another mouthful.

“I like it black, like my soul” she grins.

Octavia laughs “you’re ridiculous, everyone knows you’re the biggest sweetheart, well when you’re not being a total bitch” she gives Clarke a playful nudge on her shoulder, making it clear that she’s just teasing her friend.

“You’re the bitch who woke me up early after a night like last night!”

“That’s the craziest Tuesday I’ve had in a long time”

They laughed together and fell back into the couch that Clarke had just cleared of bedding.

“We had to celebrate you’re first day of work in how long!?”

“Three months… almost four” Clarke mumbled

“Wooh, yeah, now you’ll be able to save up money and get you’re own place and your own couch for people to sleep on!”

Clarke looks down into her mug and holds the silence. Octavia felt her stomach drop

“I’m just kidding, you know you’re welcome here for as long as you want” Octavia takes Clarke’s hand and gives it a squeeze. Clarke looks at their intertwined fingers, she shifts, slightly uncomfortable with the reassurance Octavia just offered her.

“Thanks man, I should probably shower off the glitter and sweat, I’ve got my second shift at 3 today.”

“Awesome! I’ll see you there, I gotta go I’ve gotta be there early for whatever breakfast crowd Kane thinks this pub is gonna get!”

And with that Octavia jumps to her feet, grabs her bag and is out the door

“See ya” Clarke says to the empty apartment.

 

Clarke lets out a deep sigh, relieved she’s alone for once, and able to avoid any pity, for her shortcomings in adulting. She makes her way to the bathroom. She turns the knobs and the water stats running, after a minute she tests it with her hand, her clothes hit the cold tile floor, and she hops in. Clarke lets the water run over her for far too long. She had always thought of her self somewhat of an environmentalist, but the length of her showers was not any indication of this part of her.

Three months, it has been three months of couch surfing; her back and pride had been paying the price of her lack of direction, motivation, and financial stability. She figured she was getting on her friends nerves, she made sure she didn’t stay anywhere longer than a week or two, not to over stay her welcome, but she’d always come back eventually.

She was ashamed of herself; she never thought it would take her this long to get on her feet, or even to just _get_ a shitty job. So she blamed the economy, ‘nobody is hiring right now’, she said it so much that it didn’t sound like words to her anymore, and besides, she never truly believed it anyway. Her self-esteem took a hit with every rejection. It wasn’t the economy. It must be that she just has no marketable skills, she’s a shitty person and nobody wants to hire _her_. Clarke was pretty sure she only got the job at The Ark because of Octavia anyway. She had no experience waiting tables, and she wasn’t very good at it. Clarke was always good at everything she did. But this year was proving her wrong. Putting everything she thought she knew about herself to the test. And she was failing. Failure was not something Clarke was used to. Clarke had always done well: in school, in sports, everyone seemed to like her. Things came easy. People had high expectations for what her future would hold. For a long time she was the future Dr. Griffin. Now; now things were different. Now she was a Fine Arts graduate and nobody believed that you could do anything lucrative with that. They believed it was a waste of time and money. Not a real degree. She saw it on their faces when it came up in conversation. The pitch change. The eyebrow raise. The inevitable not so much a question, but a statement “ _So you’re an artist?_ ” But she wasn’t. She didn’t feel like one. She was just mooching off of her friends and family, living on their couches, and going deeper and deeper into debt, financially and emotionally. She hadn’t touched her sketchbook or done any art what so ever since she graduated.

Nobody was a tougher critic of herself than Clarke was. She missed her bubble of University, where she was safe, where she had friends everywhere all the time, even when she didn’t want them. Where she excelled at life, now she was just a shadow of her former self. She’d peaked and it’s all down hill from here. Clarkes rubbed her face, trying to wake herself up, trying to push these thoughts to the back of her mind. She knew she couldn’t let herself go down this rabbit hole again, she knew it brought nothing but misery and self-loathing. All she could do was get ready for the day ahead, do her job, save up enough to move out on her own, then figure it out from there.

“Baby steps” she told herself.


	2. Wednesday: Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up:
> 
>  
> 
> Clarke has sex with Finn.  
> Raven has a Prosthetic leg.

Clarke pulls out her new black ‘The Ark’ t-shirt. She smiled as she ran her hands over the screen-printed _Staff_ that was written on the back. It had been a while since she was working and was glad to feel somewhat useful. Even if she didn’t feel like she belonged there. Clarke pulled the t-shirt over her head. The Ark, why did Marcus name it _that?_ Was it a nod to Noah’s Ark, some sort of salvation in this cruel world? It had been true for Clarke, saving her from drowning in her responsibilities. After graduation people kept telling her that the world is her oyster and she has all the freedom to do what she wants. But the same people told her that art was okay for a hobby, but asked her when would she grow up and go back to Pre Med.

Clarke got to the bar a little early for her shift, terrified that if she was late she would be fired before her second shift. She looked around at the eclectic bar décor. Framed photos of Marcus with local celebrities hung on the walls, there were a few plants, exposed brick, dim lighting, nothing special. The more Clarke thought about it the less she believed the Ark was a Christianity nod. Kane was not very religious; it could be a shorter name for Arkadia, the spot in Greece where Marcus was born. Clarke thought that was much cooler, but if that was the case she would’ve expected a Greek theme or some bear decorations or the Ursa Major and Minor constellations on the ceiling. She looked up. Nothing. She thought back to the Gods and Theology class she took in second year. Arcus, son of Zeus had a mother that Hera turned into a bear. When Arcus grew up to be the King of Arkadia he ran into a fearsome bear and killed it. Zeus put them in the heavens so that they would be together forever. The story was sad and a tad gruesome, but Clarke liked that about mythology, not a neat little package, but a bit more real, no matter how fantastic the characters were. A picture of Marcus smiling with a goat caught Clarkes eye. Must have been a prizewinning goat, or just really awesome like lil’ Sebastian, she thought because it was one of the only pictures that wasn’t signed. It reminded her of the God Pan, legs and horns of a goat, a satyr like Mr. Tumnus, or the Devil. Pan lived in Arkadia and was god of nature, mountains, rustic music, shepherds, and flocks, often linked to sexuality as the horned god in neopeganism or Wicca. Perfect for a bar she thought. Clarke was taken off guard when someone wrapped their arms around her and leaned in to her side, almost knocking her off the barstool.

“Earth to Clarke! Come in Princess”

“Hey Finn” Clarke rolled her shoulders to release herself from his grip.

“Whatcha thinking about?” His shaggy hair fell into his face and he pushed it back in James Dean fashion.

“Oh nothing”

Clarke smiled at herself and her abundance of useless information

“Ahh I see that smirk there Princess, I knew you’d be thinking about me”

Clarke rolled her eyes

“Yes, so much” her words dripping with sarcasm

“So we didn’t get to see each other last night as much as I’d hoped”

“Yeah, Octavia kept me pretty occupied with all the dancing and shots”

“Maybe I could keep you occupied tonight? After work?”

Clarke smiled. Finn wasn’t exactly being subtle. He wanted another round of what happened last week. When Clarke had left Monty’s place and had no idea where to go next. They had run into each other at the bar. Clarke was sipping a beer and searching through her phone, finger hovering over _Mom,_ but hesitating, not wanting the endless barrage of shoulda, woulda’s that came with spending the night on her couch. She had met Finn a few times before, at parties or other social evens, they had graduated from the same school, and mutual acquaintances were a common occurrence. They got to talking, Finn couldn’t help but mention the backpack at Clarkes feet, Clarke was too tired to come up with a polite lie so she told him.

“It holds all of my belongings”

“That’s not a very large bag, for a Princess such as yourself”

Clarke rolled her eyes.

“Alas, this Princess has no castle of her own, and has thus become a minimalist”

“Well aren’t you lucky to have run into me, you’re knight in shining – denim”

They laughed and had another drink, and talked through the night. They went back to Finn’s apartment, a bit small, a bit dirty, but Clarke wasn’t complaining. Finn started moving jackets and chip bags off the couch and made up a bed with a throw pillow and a blanket with some bird pattern on it. Clarke thanked him and waited for him to leave so she could fall to sleep and forget about her day. Finn stood there blocking her escape from reality.

“You could sleep in the bed if you wanted”

Clarke paused. She didn’t know how to respond to that statement. Finn was cute, but she wasn’t about to fuck him just so she could get a decent night sleep.

Clarke was weighing her options and before she knew it his lips were on hers. It was sloppy and awkward; she was holding her bag in her hands. But Clarke leaned into it; sex would clear her mind and she liked being with someone who would make the day a little better. She was tired of feeling isolated all the time, and now she didn’t feel quite so alone. Clarke had stayed with Finn for a few days until Octavia had offered up her place. Clarke was grateful, but missed sleeping in a real bed.

 

Clarke would have had an answer to Finn’s proposal, but was interrupted by a wide-eyed, dark haired beauty that wrapped her strong arms around Finns back.

Finn turned around clearly put off by a stranger groping him from behind.

“Raven!?” Finn exhaled, his eyes searched her face in shock and disbelief

“I didn’t think you’d be here- um, er I mean, so soon! What are you doing - aren’t you supposed to-?”

“Aahhh so eloquent, such a poet” Raven laughed and pulled Finn into a deep desperate kiss.

When they released each other Finn looked sheepishly at Clarke.

“Clarke ummm… this is Raven, she’s been away…. she’s in the Air Force”

Clarke puts out her hand, trying to control herself from looking surprised, confused, and hurt.

“Nice to meet you”

Raven smiled at her and Clarke felt a pit in her stomach, she had just unwittingly become the other woman. Her disgust in herself threatened to bubble up all over her face.

“I should get to work, don’t want to be fired on the second day” she smiled as she pushed herself off her perch.

“Nice to meet you too Clarke!”

Clarke slid behind the bar and grabbed a cloth wiping down the already clean counter.

“Hey barkeep!” Raven beckoned moments later showing all her teeth, her energy radiating out of her, it was practically contagious.

Clarke did her best to produce a smile as toothy and natural as Raven’s

“Two pints of Guinness for me and my man over here please! We’ve got some catching up to do!”

Clarke nodded and got to work, avoiding eye contact with Finn as she placed the dark glasses in front of the couple.

After far too much time of eavesdropping on the reunion and cleaning the same glass over and over Marcus, the tall, bearded owner of the bar came in from the back room, with his head in some papers, not noticing Clarke or much else until he glances over the rims of his glasses.

“Is that Raven Reyes? Mechanical engineer extraordinaire!?” he exclaims, removing his glasses and putting them on top of the papers he was carrying and thrusting them into Clarke’s chest for her to hold.

“Most of her!” Raven takes her time getting up and Kane brings her into an embrace that nearly knocked them both over.

“What do you mean!? You look great! And you’re back early!”

Raven lifts up her pant leg exposing a prosthetic leg.

“When I was making the bad guys go boom, I got a little too close to the excitement” Raven dropped her pant leg and swallowed hard, trying not to let her friends see the pain that was just beneath the surface. “Now I’ve got a bit of machinery”

Marcus looked stunned, but just brought her close for another, gentler hug.

“You’ve always wanted to be a cyborg!” Finn joked

Raven released herself from Kane and hit Finn playfully in the arm.

“Well war heroes drink here for free” Marcus said, “And you!” he pointed to Finn “Get back to work, I don’t pay you to drink with your girlfriend!” Kane’s smile filled his face as he beamed at Raven; Finn stood up and placed his hand on Raven’s shoulder before retreating to the kitchen. Clarke’s chest tightened with the word girlfriend finally tossed out in the open. She handed Kane back his papers, trying not to be noticed too much, trying not to disrupt the reunion, and wishing more than anything to become invisible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Henry Ian Cusick has Peruvian heritage. I made Marcus's Greek so with would fit in my ramble.  
> Lil' Sebastian is the miniature horse from Parks and Recreation.  
> I got most of my Greek Mythology information from Wikipedia.


	3. Wednesday: Part 3

Clarke was grateful when a party of three businesswomen came into the bar, a distraction, from the constant parade of staff and bar goers that were swooning over Raven. Even Octavia, who Clarke had mentally claimed as her own greeted Raven as a long lost friend.

“Welcome to the ark, my name is Clarke, your server will be with you shortly, can I get you anything to drink to get started?” she said as she handed out menus.

The tree women looked at Clarke with stiff glares, and Clarke fought the urge to run and hide behind the bar. The first to break the silence at the table was the oldest; she had smooth dark skin and short black hair. Her voice commanded so much respect it sent shivers down Clarke’s spine.

“Gin Martini, Hendrick’s. Tumbler glass, no olives”

The next to speak was the tall, slender woman with honey blonde highlights, braided in a half bun. She spoke quickly, her voice sharp. Had Clarke not been so attentive she might have missed her command.

“Scotch”

Clarke nodded and let her eyes fall on the third woman, the youngest of the group; she couldn’t have been much older than Clarke. She sat in the middle of the other two women. It looked as though she was sitting on a throne; bracketed by two trusted guards. She stared at Clarke, with stunning, evergreen eyes, as though looking straight through her and into the wall behind her. Her voice was cool and authoritative. There was something familiar about this girl, but Clarke couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

“Vodka soda please, with a lemon wedge”

Clarke stood there for a moment and held the woman’s gaze

“That will be all” Gin Martini growled

“I’ll be just a moment” Clarke smiled and left to make the drinks. Her heart beating harder in her chest than it should have for such a simple order. She exhaled deeply. Octavia came up beside Clarke and leaned against her elbow on Clarke’s shoulder.

“Tough table?”

“No” Clarke paused looking at Vodka Soda Girl trying to figure out where she knew her. “Just intimidating I guess”

Octavia laughed “Good to know”

Octavia took the drinks Clarke had prepared and set them on the table just as a large man with a shaved head attempted to join, he knocked into Octavia, causing her to fumble and almost drop the gin martini. She somehow used her strength to keep everything on her tray and to keep smiling at the hulk of a man. The two laughed as he apologized profusely and sank into the booth.

 

Clarke watched as the women and man in the booth drank, ate and laughed. She was drying a glass when Vodka Soda approached the bar. She sat in the stool without a word. Clarke thought about approaching her, but was uncertain of the bartender etiquette.

“You’re the one who over served my staff, ruining the morning meeting”

Clarke was stunned, she didn’t know who this woman was; let alone who was on her staff. Clarke remembered having served a bunch of rowdy business folks the night before; she may have gone a bit overboard. Her first shift had overwhelmed her but she was able to solider through it. Clarke didn’t miss a beat in her response.

“They shouldn’t have ordered so much, if they couldn’t handle it” she tried her best to replicate the stare Vodka Soda had given her earlier.

The girl flashed her green eyes and the corners of her mouth twitch, suppressing a smile.

“Did you go to DCU?”

Clarke blinked at the girl, baffled, that was not the response that she was expecting.

“Woooh! Go Grounders!” her voice flat, she pumped her fist in the air feigning excitement.

The girls green eyes closed as she let out a laugh that took Clarke off guard, not believing someone so intimidating could have such a soft, musical sound escape them. The mask of the hard exterior of their first meeting had fallen. In front of her were full lips that seemed to smile without meaning to, a soft gaze of forest green eyes, a forest Clarke would happily spend the rest of her days in, she had a way about her, a coy confidence that drew Clarke in wanting more.

“That wasn’t even a good joke!” Clarke lit up as she grinned

“I’m just glad to see school spirit is still alive and well” she chuckled.

“Well, come on, Grounders? What a stupid mascot!”

The girls shared the laughter. Clarke poured another Vodka soda with a lemon wedge and placed it between them.

“I’m Lexa” her voice smooth, it felt like velvet caressing her cheek. She extended her hand, Clarke took it, she froze.

“Oh, my god. Lexa Woods, two year consecutive class president, the only person to have more than one term in DCU history. I thought you looked familiar” Clarke dropped Lexa’s hand; her full cheeks flash red with embarrassment.

“I can’t believe I was trash talking the school with its leader! ‘The girl most likely to change the world’”

Lexa’s face turned back to stone, the softness Clarke was reviling in was gone.

“We are what we are” and with that she took her drink and returned to her table, which was now covered with papers and her three companions in heated discussion. Leaving Clarke stunned, glued to her spot with her mouth agape.

“Oh my god, are you seeing what I’m seeing” Octavia interrupted the thousands of thoughts flying through Clarkes mind. She turned to her friend.

“What, er, um , I mean-“ Clarke fumbled over her words

“I know right!? He’s so hot! His name is Lincoln and I think he’s into me!” her smile took up her whole face. Clarke nervously laughed in response.

“Look what he just gave me” Octavia takes out a napkin with her likeness sketched upon it, and hands it to Clarke. Clarke’s eyes are wide as she takes in the talent shown on the floppy paper.

“Wow! This is good!”

“I know! I think I’m gonna go talk to him… in private, will you watch my tables?”

“Yeah, sure, what about Finn? I don’t wanna leave my post unattended”

“He’s chatting up Raven, besides its Wednesday night, the rush isn’t bad, and Finn can make his own drinks”

“Right of course, still getting used to this”

“You’ll be fine! They’re all taken care of anyway, just check on them make sure their drinks are full and be relatively polite so I get good tips!”

“haha right okay, simple enough” Clarke said uneasily as Octavia rushed over to the tall, dark and handsome Lincoln and they disappeared together. Clarke was uncomfortable with her talents as a waitress and a bartender, she envied Octavia who had been waiting tables since she was sixteen, and holding down the job while she finishes her Kinesiology degree. She was a few years behind Clarke at school, but they shared some classes together when Clarke was still taking classes for Pre-Med and they hit it off. They had a friendly rivalry going for grades and took some kickboxing classes together, but Octavia showed her true colours as a friend when Clarke was in need.

Clarke approached Lexa’s table when she noticed that the Gin Martini was running low.

“-But Anya we can’t just cut funding to an entire district and reroute it to pay our staff for the project, that’s illegal or at least abuse of power.” Lexa was clearly passionate but she spoke with a calm authority. Clarke felt guilty for disrupting the debate.

“Hi, sorry to interrupt, how’s everything going? Can I top off some drinks or anything?”

The three women stared at Clarke in what she could only interpret as hatred. Gin Martini opened her mouth to say something, Lexa raised her hand, and the older woman remained silent.

“No thank you Clarke, that will be all.”

Clarke nodded, but stopped herself from retreating. She took a breath, unsure if what she was going to say would help the situation at all.

“You know, you could always hire University students as unpaid interns; or veterans, I know you can get tax benefits or something from hiring them.”

The two older women looked at Clarke like they were about to attack. She tried swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat and looked into the eyes wide in front of her. The green was almost completely overtaken by her dilated pupils, only a sliver of emerald still visible. Although it may have been a look meant to threaten her they were kind, soft. Her heart thumped against her chest, she was certain the women could hear it betraying her composed exterior. Lexa quirked an eyebrow, and looked at Gin Martini.

“See Indra, I told you”

Lexa looked back at the blonde, she could feel the blood rushing to her cheeks. Clarke broke eye contact, not certain her heart could take the stress. Clarke prepared to leave, but she felt the green eyes on her, and remained standing in front of the table.

“Did I hear someone talk about Vets getting jobs?” Raven interjected

“Possibly” Lexa’s eyes still on Clarke

“If they’re qualified” Anya added, “but you’d still need an engineer” she spoke directly to Lexa, forcing her to take her eyes off Clarke.

“I’m an engineer!” Raven blurted out “and a Vet!” The tree women sitting stood up for more formal introductions. Clarke slipped back to the bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind stole the Veterans thing from OITNB.  
> DCU was Originally TonDCU but I didn't like it very much.


	4. Wednesday: Part 4

She grumbled as she bussed some tables, Octavia startled her, almost causing a stack of plates to fall.

“Woah there! Is everything okay?”

“Yep, just can’t wait for this day to be over. How was your uh, private chat with Lincoln?”

“Fucking amazing, he’s sweet and funny, and strong and...”

“And you have some tree in your hair”

The girls laughed as Clarke plucked the twigs out of the dark locks.

“We got a little excited and the most comfortable spot was up against the big oak”

“I like your style” Clarke laughed, Octavia’s cheeks went scarlet, but she couldn’t stop her ear-to-ear grin.

“When did Raven join Lincolns co-workers?”

“Nice change of subject, very subtle.” Clarke winked “about ten minutes ago, I think she’s getting a job or something”

“Lincoln was saying that that younger chick, Lexa Woods, is like right out of school, but she’s their boss at the Congressman’s office, she was an intern like a month ago. I bet she’s gonna be a Senator by the time she’s 30 or something!”

“Fuckin _Elle_ Woods” Clarke joked, but it came out far more aggressive than she expected.

“Don’t be that girl” Octavia’s tone changed to something more serious

“What? I was kidding, and what do you mean _that_ girl?”

“The girl who cant be happy for other people’s success” Octavia looked at Clarke with a stern look she had only seen a handful of times before.

Clarke looked down at her shoes unsure of how to respond. She knew she was competitive, it was hard for her to se people her age or younger surpass her. She knew it was childish, she knew that everyone is on their own path and it wouldn’t effect her success. She had heard it a million times, but it didn’t stop her from blocking anyone on Facebook bragging about his or her engagement or new baby, or promotion. She picked up her tray of dirty plates and stuck out her tongue at Octavia as she escaped to the kitchen.

 

By the time Clarke emerged from the kitchen the only table left was Lexa and Lincolns. Octavia and Raven had joined and they were filling the whole bar with laughter. Clarke smiled and wondered if it would be appropriate or rude if she went over and joined. Suddenly someone grabbed her by upper arm.

“Hey! Get off!” Clarke struggled to loosen the grip

“Sshhh Clarke, it’s me” Finn had pulled her into the back room, Marcus was long gone by now. “We need to talk”

“Fuck off Finn, I don’t want to talk” Finn released her arm and held up his hands, her hand took its place, rubbing the spot he left.

“But I have to explain, Raven, she’s been gone for a while, I hadn’t seen her in a forever, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see her again! I had heard about the accident, but…”

He looked at Clarke; his big, brown eyes wide like a hurt puppy. Her heart ached. She had fun with Finn. She wanted to be wanted and he was good company. It was nice to share space with someone without feeling like they’re doing you a favour or like you’re a burden. Clarke mustered up her strength, shoved down her feelings and the betrayal and spoke with confidence.

“Look Finn, we had fun, but you have a girlfriend, and I don’t really know you”

“But you _do_ know me Clarke! And I know you! We’re good together!” he sounded desperate, Clarke took a breath, not letting his anguish get to her.

“I bet you and Raven are good together too, I’m not about to get in the way of that. We had a good time while it lasted, but it’s done, lets just work together, we don’t have to talk about this again” she didn’t recognize her own voice, it was steady and powerful, she felt the opposite.

“But…” Finn started but Clarke shot him a look that she only reserved when she was especially pissed off, mostly used on her mother. He said nothing and Clarke walked away. She caught her breath in the kitchen, leaning up against the wall, her chest heaving from emotional exhaustion.

“Fake it ‘til you make it”

Clarke opened her eyes in confusion, looking around to see who had spoken.

“Oh! Murphy, fuck. I thought I was alone”

“Oh yeah, forget about us lowly dishwashers Princess”

“I didn’t mean-“

“Yeah I know… are you okay?” The boy was in greasy jeans and a stained white t-shirt, his dark hair pushed under a hairnet, he takes out a flask from his back pocket and offers it to the trembling girl. She pushes back her blonde waves and takes a hearty swig.

“Better” she exhales.

Clarke takes a moment to gather herself.

“Where’d you learn that?”

“What? Alcohol solves problems? That’d be a lesson from mummy dearest” a sly smile crossed his thin lips.

“ No, Fake it ‘til you make it. That’s actually good advice”

“Well life sucks and then you die, nobody will ever feel like they’re good at anything when they start, so just pretend, can’t hurt, so why the fuck not?” he jumps on the counter and swings his feet like a child sitting in an adult’s chair. Clarke joins him, takes another drink from the flask and hands it back to him.

“mmhmm, what does the life sucks part have to do with the faking it part?”

Murphy shrugs and takes a sip

“They’re both true, they don’t have to be related”

They sit in silence for a while, sharing the flask

“Well I better get back out there” Clarke takes one last drink, hands the flask back over and pushes herself from the counter. She walks towards the door and pauses.

“Thanks” she mumbles without looking back, Murphy lifts the flask in a mock cheers as she leaves the kitchen door swinging in her wake.

The bar was empty except for Finn clearing the tables as Raven watched from the bar.

“Hey, Where’d Octavia go?” Clarke asked the room, as she walked behind the bar.

“She left with that Lincoln guy, she said she’s been here all day and deserved to have some fun, I guess my presence distracted the other server” said Raven.

“Oh yeah, I had my eyes on you all night” Clarke joked, Raven quirked her eyebrow and laughed.

“I could see it Princess, you and me”

“Why is everyone calling me Princess? When did this become a thing!?” Clarke threw her hands in the air, exaggerating her annoyance.

“I don’t know, I heard Finn call you it and I figured it was an inside joke. I love inside jokes, I’d love to be apart of one someday”

“Nice Office quote” Clarke smiled

“Thanks!” Raven showed off her grin in return “I had a lot of TV time in rehab, The Office is one of my faves”

“Me too! Umm I mean it’s one of my favourites, not the rehab thing, although I was unemployed for a while there and watched a loooot of Netflix” Clarkes babbling made Raven throw her head back in laughter.

“I should stop talking” Clarke mumbled and massaged the back of her neck.

“No, you’re good, you remind me of one of my favourite doctors, she’s funny, a bit serious, but I think that comes with the whole doctor thing”

“Yeah, I guess” she nodded in agreement. Clarke knew how serious doctors could be, three years of M.D.s as Professors or special guest speakers, and then the twenty something years she had watched her mother work. The two sat in an uncomfortable silence, Clarke searched her for a conversation topic, trying to avoid anything Finn related, but came up blank.

“So…uh, who’s your doctor?” Clarke chastised herself; feeling like it was a stupid question to ask.

“Dr. Abigail Griffin, Abby. She was great, really attentive, she did puzzles and stuff with me to keep me from going crazy”

“Oh seriously? That’s my mom!” Clarke said with surprise.

“Crazy! She’s a badass, she told me about her daughter, she’s really proud of you”

“Sure” Clarke said shortly. Clarke was almost grateful when Finn came and interrupted them.

“Slow night, just passed ten and we’ve only got this freeloader left”

“You two can go, I’ll help Murphy do the last of the dishes and then lock up, I’m sure Marcus won’t mind closing a bit early” Clarke offered, really just trying to get some peace and end the day. Finn was looking anywhere but at Clarke, Raven beamed.

“Are you sure?” she said with a hint of concern. Clarke smiled and nodded.

“I need practice closing anyway.”

“Thank you, you’re the best!” Raven said, Finn helping her off the stool, “See ya later Clarke, it was really nice meeting you”

“Bye Raven, nice to meet you too”. The door closed and Clarke let out a deep sigh. She moved around to each table making sure everything was clean enough for close; she grabbed a pair of leather gloves from the booth where the businesswomen and Lincoln sat. She ran the gloves through her hands; the fingers were long and slender. An absent minded smile crept across her face.

“What are you smiling about? I thought you were gonna help me with the dishes” Clarke came out of her daydream

“Yup… sorry…I was just… never mind” Clarke jogged over to the kitchen placing the gloves carefully in the lost and found on the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Senator by 30/ Elle Woods is from Legally Blonde.  
> I love inside jokes I'd love to be apart of one someday is from The Office (US)


	5. Wednesday: Part 5

“Night John”

“See ya tomorrow for another exciting day, Clarke” Murphy was already halfway down the block his shoulders slumped over, hands in his pockets, hood up and headphones blaring. Clarke was still fidgeting with the key, the frosty air making her fingers less cooperative.

“Stupid, fuckin thing, WORK! goddammit”

A cool voice broke Clarkes aggravated focus.

“Am I interrupting?”

Clarke stopped fighting with the key and looked up. Standing behind her was the woman, Lexa, tall, elegant, with those eyes that saw straight through her.

“Ummm no, just closing up for the night”

“Oh, have you locked it yet? I think I forgot my gloves in there”

“Oh yeah, I picked those up earlier” Clarke turned to hide her flushed cheeks and opened the door to let the girl inside.

“Sorry I came just as you were closing I thought you were open later on weeknights”

“We are, it was slow so we decided to close early” Clarke flicked on the lights and looked the girl up and down, she was bundled up in a thick winter coat, hat, and scarf, it was cold even for March, but it was not the dead of winter.

“I just put them in here” Clarke brought out the Lost and Found box, the leather gloves perfectly placed on top. It looked as though Clarke was presenting the Queen with a gift; she bowed her head, trying to avoid eye contact.

“Thanks, I’m just always cold, I can’t believe I forgot these” Lexa smiled and slipped the gloves onto her trembling hands. Clarke returned the box and stood up expecting Lexa to have started her exit, but they just stood there in the empty bar in silence. Lexa looking deep into Clarkes sky blue eyes, not looking through her this time but into her, into her soul, her being, Clarke felt exposed and vulnerable. Naked. She swallowed hard.

“I really appreciate it” Lexa continued. Lexa felt her body tense up, waiting for a response from the girl in front of her. Lexa’s stomach dropped with every moment of silence between them.

“No worries” Lexa let out a breath with Clarkes response. She turned around and left, the footsteps of the blonde right behind her. Lexa grasped her own hands, trying to supress any unwanted movements. She had felt as though she had made a fool of herself in front of this girl too many times tonight. Something she was not accustomed to. They left the bar, Clarke locked the door, this time with relative with ease, and they continued down the street. Clarke walking with her arms folded on her chest, Lexa seemed to glide, her shoulders back with perfect posture, her arms swinging at her sides.

“Thank you, for your input today” Lexa said, finally breaking the silence.

“Huh, oh yeah, you’re welcome” Clarke was put off, still uncomfortable from how Lexa’s stare made her feel. Her thoughts of the pretentious, prestigious, ‘girl most likely to’ made Clarke go on the defensive. She had seen and heard of this perfect girl all through University, straight A’s, on the dance team, teaches yoga to underprivileged kids, and Student Union President for two years. Clarke compared every aspect of her life to this myth of a woman, never measuring up; too competitive to not have these things bother her. Now she was walking next to her on a cold, Wednesday night.

They continued on in the quiet. Lexa normally quite comfortable in silence, but she can feel the tension radiating from the woman beside her. She set’s her jaw, looking stern, but attempting to soften it. She has been alone for so long and meeting Clarke today felt right. She didn’t want to mess it up. Every time Clarke talks Lexa watches each muscle in her face contract and relax, she’s expressive, and free. She wishes she could be like this girl. She feels an energy coming from Clarke that she would bottle and put on every morning if she could. This smart, talented, beautiful blue eyed girl, who is so determined, yet unsure of herself. With all of their differences, this is what draws Lexa in; making her stomach do summersaults and her mouth go dry. They are alike in so many ways, she wants to connect to express these feelings, but they carry on walking, watching as their breath fills the air.

“This is me” she stops next to the only car left on the street “Do you need to be taken anywhere?” Lexa’s eyes search Clarkes face for any hint of intrigue or desire to be around her. Of course not, you blew it, she thought, you’re too awkward to have a girl like this interested. Her heart stopped awaiting an answer.

“No Thanks, I’m just around the corner here, but thank you for the offer” Clarke gives a smile, every interaction with this girl, changes her mind about her in some way. She thought about Octavia telling her not to be _that_ girl, and if Clarke were to change into a person who likes themselves, she’d need to make some adjustments.

“Have a good night Lexa”

Lexa smiles and lets out a half laugh, it warmed Clarke from the inside out

“Goodnight Clarke”

They stood in the cold long enough for snow to begin to fall. Clarke walked away slowly, feeling every step, feeling eyes on her back. Until she turned the corner and she ran until she reached Octavia’s empty apartment, she scrambled to search her backpack until she pulled out her sketchbook.


	6. Thursday: Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing a little bit of smut was more difficult than I anticipated

Lexa stood outside her car and watched as the girl turned a corner and disappeared. She let out a long breath, steaming the air, and got in her vehicle. While she was with her Lexa had thought her heart had stopped, sitting alone in her car she figured it was beating extra hard and fast to make up for lost time. She fumbled to get the key into the ignition.

“Shit” she breathed. She could not let this happen, not now, not when her life was on track, her plans coming to fruition. She had a purpose and she could not be distracted. She had people to make proud, and a staff that needed direction, she had people who looked up to her. She had responsibilities. She has always been responsible not letting pretty girls distract her from her duties. Lexa cleared her throat, fidgeted to straighten her posture and drove off.

 

Lexa pushed the door to her apartment open, hoping not to wake her roommate, it was just after midnight, and she dreaded the early wake up she had.

“What took you so long?” Anya put her book down; she was sitting in the cocoa brown leather armchair in the corner of the living room.

“Forgot my gloves” Lexa pulled them off and waved them back and forth “What, are you waiting up for me?”

Anya grinned

“As a matter of fact I was, I thought I’d get all of the juicy details”

“What are you talking about?” Lexa grumbled as she removed her layers of winter clothing.

“The hot bartender you were talking to, I figured you went back for a night cap” Anya winked “and you were gone way too long to have just gone back for your fucking gloves. So what happened?”

“I went for a drive to clear my head” Lexa moved into the living room and flopped down on the couch wrapping herself in a blanket that draped over the back of the couch. After her encounter with Clarke Lexa had driven through the empty streets of the city for a while, but it did nothing to empty her mind of the countless things that bounced around, things she couldn’t articulate if she tried.

“Clear it from what?”

“God you’re nosey! I was just thinking about all the work and stuff I need to do tomorrow” She huffed

“And you’re boring! Leave it to you to turn a celebratory night of drinks into a work thing. I don’t even work for you and you had me brainstorm ideas for funds!” Lexa chuckled, with only mild irritation.

“But you’re so good at it” Lexa wined and leaned close to her friend, pouting her full lips, making her eyes wide.

“So was that bartender, she had ideas,” Anya winked “and you seemed, what’s the word?... taken with her” Anya teased. She paused and added more thoughtfully “I just want you to have some fun, relax, maybe that Clarke girl could be good for you. No strings, or whatever you want” Anya nudged Lexa with a playful punch. Lexa’s smile faded, she clenched her molars together, her expression turned hard and stoic falling back into her thoughts. Some people have called it resting bitch face, Anya constantly joked that ‘bitches get stuff done!’ it always made her feel better. Years of being teased for working so hard, being a nerd, a kiss ass, and when it finally starts paying off she gets told to relax. She couldn’t relax; she couldn’t stop working to achieve her goals. She had to many people depending on her.

“I’m fine, I just need to focus.” Lexa closed her eyes, flashes of sparkling blue and golden hair. “And I need to go to bed” she said as she stood up.

“Preferably _with_ somebody!” Anya teased, scoffing as the red blanket hit her face. “If I’ve taught you anything it’s that there’s nothing wrong with a good stress reliever!” she laughed, but Lexa knew how serious Anya was.

 

Lexa lay in bed wide-awake. She turned to look at her clock, two forty three. If I fall asleep now I’ll have four hours and forty-seven minutes of sleep she thought. If I skip my run and grab coffee and breakfast on the way to work I can sleep for an extra hour, maybe.

“SLEEP!” she commanded herself, she repositioned and squeezed her eyes tightly shut. She could not stop the thoughts from keeping her mind moving. Anya’s advice echoed in her head. Lexa chuckled; it was foolish holding on to a trivia comment. She did her best to push it to the back of her mind. Anya had been there for Lexa since she could remember, fighting off the bullies in school, somehow getting her elected for class president. Lexa smiled, she was fairly certain her friend had visited from University not just to help her write her speeches and prepare her platform, but to threaten everyone in high school into voting for her. It was because of Anya’s help and mentoring that she was able to become the first two term Student Union President in University, Anya was there for her through all of the hard parts with her mum, and Costia. Anya knew her better than anyone. She had been a shoulder to cry on, someone to yell and complain to, no matter what was said she would always come back, and she never judged her for her decisions. She was someone who wouldn’t take her shit when she was being completely unreasonable. She forced her to have fun when she was too caught up with work. She had introduced Lexa to girls who would relieve her stress in University. When exams, working and volunteering and everything became too much, and it would help. Usually. She didn’t want that now, well, she did, she craved a warm body next to her and the exhaustion that followed release. Her mind raced, she didn’t know what she wanted right now, her internal battle kept her awake. She wanted to sleep she decided; to stop thinking about every little thing, to stop going over every detail of her interactions with the blonde bartender who probably hated her. Her eyes relaxed, closed, with images of her walk in the cold played on the backs of her eyelids. Lexa rolled on to her back. She let her hand come up under her shirt, her fingers slowly dragging against her hot skin until it reached her taut nipple. She made light circles, adding more pressure with each round, pinching and then massaging her breast. Pretending her hands were not her own, she let the other hand slip under the waistband of her boxers, and she made patterns in a similar fashion. Slow and steady pressure, teasing herself, letting the tension build. She felt the heat in the bottom of her stomach radiate lower, and soon she was dripping with desire. She teased her opening, using the moisture to lubricate her circles. Her movements became more desperate; her breathing became heavier and laboured. She plunged her fingers into herself and let out a pitched sigh of relief, she had a rhythm, moving her hips, letting her fingers deeper into herself. Her chest rose, back arched and toes curled, as she felt her whole body tense and then finally release. She stayed in the position, eyes closed, her body tingling. She could’ve sworn she felt snowflakes fall on her as she drifted off into oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bitches get stuff done: SNL Weekend Update Amy Poehler and Tina Fey


	7. Thursday: Part 2

Lexa’s eyelids were heavy as she listened to someone drone on in the budget meeting. She gazed out the window, the skyline of the city expanding in front of her, she unsuccessfully attempted to search for the little pub she had come across the day before. Lexa looked at the clock on the wall, eleven fifty two. She sighed and did her best to focus her eyes and pay attention. The speaker wore an ill fitting suit with a mustard yellow tie that was not quite centred and did nothing for his professional appearance except make his white shirt look unwashed. He had pale skin made paler and jaundiced in contrast to his shirt and tie; the colour reminded her of the off white shade that landlords paint the walls of old rundown apartments when they want to increase rent. His hair was a translucent blonde, combed over to hide the areas that had begun to thin. He had saliva crusted in the corners of his chapped lips and he sounded like a bad actor auditioning for an elementary school play: rehearsed, nervous, and out of place. He had been going on about deficits for fifty-two minutes, now fifty-four, she looked out the window again, but this time thought about kicking him out of it. She worried about the people down below, thinking of yelling ‘fore’ like a golfer warning the crowds of a stray ball, but anything to stop this never-ending meeting. Lexa snapped back into reality when she felt Indra nudge her with her foot under the table. Lexa tried hard for the next four minutes to sell the illusion that she was listening.

Lexa walked to her office with Indra at her side.

“You seem distracted today, is everything alright?” she said with concern, something Lexa was not familiar with from Indra.

“I’m fine, I didn’t sleep well” Lexa stood in her office her hands folded behind her back as she stared out the window.

“The proposal is due in just over a week, what do you need me to do?”

Lexa smiled, she could always count on Indra to get down to business. A trait they normally share, but today Lexa’s thoughts were scattered.

“Yes, we need building permits, and a go ahead from the public transit commission, I can cover the rest”

Indra nodded and turned to leave before Lexa spoke again.

“I think I’m going to work out of office today, you’re in charge while I’m gone, if anyone needs anything, I have my cell and computer I won’t be far”

“Yes of course, but-“ Lexa interrupted

“Thank you Indra” She lifted her hand and the woman left in silence.

 

Lexa makes her way down the street until she finds the old wooden sign for The Ark. She smiles and heads in where she sets up a mobile office in a corner booth with a view of the bar. She opens her laptop and is stunned when a menu is tossed on the keyboard.

“Welcome to The Ark, my name is Finn I’ll be your server today. Can I start you off with something to drink?” he sounded bored and rehearsed.

Lexa looks up at the boy, he has bloodshot eyes with dark circles, he is in desperate need of a haircut and his shirt needs to be ironed, or washed, or both.

“What are your herbal teas?” she looked down at the menu that was haphazardly flung in front of her, only able to see the limited choices of bar food and alcohol.

“Ummm, herbal tea? I can check I guess”

“Good that will be all for now”

“Just the tea?”

“Yes” she was curt, annoyed at the inconvenience of his presence. “Thank you” she added not wanting to be rude, but eager to get to work.

“Alright, I’ll be right back”

 

“What kind of herbal teas do we have?” Finn asked, bringing Clarke out of her daze. She had spent most of the night in her sketchbook; she had difficulty staying in the moment on a good day, but sleep deprived Clarke is either completely out of it or very cranky. She worried this day would be a long one.

“Ummm they’re in the kitchen on the shelves by the freezer. Shouldn’t you know this? You’ve worked here longer than me.”

Finn shrugged and headed to the kitchen. Clarke turned around and saw Lexa, the girl from the night before, intently typing on a laptop, papers strewn all over the table. She watched as the girl worked, her brow furrowed in concentration, she smiled at the way her nose wrinkled when she pushed up her glasses.

“Hey Clarke pour four pints of the IPA” Octavia slapped her hand on the bar with her command.

“Coming right up… speaking of which, you didn’t come home last night” Clarke smirked as she pulled the tab and tilted a glass.

“Is that a question?” Octavia retorted, raising her eyebrow with a grin.

“I’m just concerned for your wellbeing” Clarke said placing her hand on her chest; imitating offence that Octavia would take her concerns in any other way.

“Well good friend, you can rest assured knowing I was well taken care of last night” They laughed as Octavia loaded the drinks onto her tray.

“What’s so funny?!” A thunderous voice came from the bar’s entrance; both girls spun around to find whom it belonged to.

“Bell!” Octavia cries as she jumps into his massive arms as he picks her up into a bear hug. They held on to each other like it was the only thing keeping them both alive.

“I’m so happy you’re back,” She says into his shoulder as he places her down.

“I’ve missed you O,” he says back.

“Come meet my friend Clarke” Clarke steps out from behind the bar to shake his hand.

“Hey, I’m Bellamy, Octavia’s older brother”

“Nice to meet you” Clarke smiles.

“He’s in the Marine Corps, and he hasn’t been home in almost a year!” Octavia beams up at her brother.

“Wow, I better get you something to drink, to thank you for your service!”

“You can put that drink on my tab” a voice comes from behind the group

“Hello, my name is Lexa Woods, I work for Congressman Wells Jaha. I’d like to thank you for serving our country” Lexa says as she gives Bellamy a firm handshake.

“Well, there are many other ways to thank me” Bellamy grins as though fish hooks were pulling at the sides of his mouth “You could share a drink with me for starters” His eyebrows raise suggestively

“Eeww Bell” Octavia says under her breath as she grabs her tray and leaves.

Lexa chuckles, “Thank you for the offer but I should get back to work” She pauses and glances at Clarke then back to Bellamy “and you’re _really_ not my type”

“Don’t feel bad Bell, she thanks all of us for our service with a drink and an incredibly strong handshake” Raven says with a laugh as she appears and joins the conversation, shaking her hand in the air with a loose wrist “My hand still hurts from yesterday, she may have crushed some bones”

“Hey Ray! It’s been a while” Bellamy brings her closer and envelops her in his arms.

Raven smiles as they release

“At least I was able to join her for the drink, I guess I’m more Ms. Woods’ type”

A flash of red crosses Lexa’s impenetrable cheeks.

“Good to see you again Ms. Reyes” Lexa nods and then looks at Clarke “Do you know how long my tea will be? I have been waiting some time”

Clarke looks at her in disbelief, then forcing a smile

“I’ll check on that right away”

Lexa turns and returns to her booth.

“Sorry guys I guess I’ve got to get back to work and serve the Commander over there” Bellamy and Raven smile as she leaves to the kitchen.

 

Murphy greets her with an apathetic “hey” barely lifting his head from the pile of dirty dishes.

“Was Finn in here? He came to find tea, did he get lost?” Clarke says as she turns on the kettle to boil.

“He left through the back a little while ago”

“What? Why?”

Murphy shrugs and wipes his nose on the sleeve of his stained and wrinkled navy blue DCU shirt.

“He came in said ‘shit’ when Raven arrived and left, I didn’t ask questions”

“Is he coming back? His shift isn’t over yet, it’ll just be me and Octavia, and tonight is wing night!” Clarke spoke with urgency, her hands coming up to press against her temples as she began to pace. Murphy takes out his flask and takes a drawn out mouthful and let’s out a sigh of satisfaction.

“I don’t know if he’s coming back. Honestly I don’t really give a fuck about lover boy or what he does with his days” he turns back to his dish pile “and if it gets busy I can throw on a clean shirt and help you guys out up front”

Clarke takes a few steps closer and reaches into his back pocket, he looks up as Clarke takes a large swig from the flask, letting out a satisfied ‘ahhh’ mimicking her friend’s actions from moments before.

“You’re a good guy John Murphy” She smiles.

“Yeah, yeah” he said rolling his eyes “I just stay back here because I hate people” he flicked dirty dishwater at Clarke with a shit-eating grin.

 

Clarke sat the steaming cup on the one spot on the table that wasn’t littered with papers. Lexa showed no sign of acknowledgement, engrossed in her work. Clarke stood there for a moment waiting to be seen, watching as the woman worked, typing away as her glasses slid down her nose. As Clarke was turning to leave she felt a hand brush hers. It was a gentle gesture, weighted with power. Clarke looked down at the point of contact still feeling the tingling of where their hands met. She lifted her chin and met Lexa’s gaze.

“Honey?”

Clarke was taken a back, unable to answer. Unsure if the woman sitting with mountains of work at a bar had been talking to her. Her heart jumped into her throat making it difficult to breathe or speak. She continued to stare at the green eyes that were boring into Clarke’s, Clarke worried that she was able to read her thoughts. She felt her blood heat in her veins, circulating until she could focus on nothing else. Finally bringing herself back to reality she managed to form a word.

“What?”

“Do you have any honey? Or agave nectar would work too”

Clarke let out a breathy laugh, running her hand up through her hair and resting it on the back of her neck.

“Oh yeah, I’ll go grab some from the kitchen”

“Thank you, that would be wonderful”

Clarke turned on her heel, attempting to hide her cheeks. She thought it must look like she had been slapped, that’s how it felt; the phantom sting, the rush of blood to the inflicted area.

Lexa let out a breath watching as her waitress went through the doors of the kitchen. Her hand was trembling, still on fire. She held it trying to make it steady. She closed her eyes. Muttering to herself “stupid, stupid”. Lexa took a deep breath, remembering to breathe deep like she was filling her whole body with air starting at her toes. Contracting her diaphragm, expanding her chest, filling her whole body with air, holding it, and then emptying it slowly. Her years of meditation and yoga had done wonders for her stress levels in the past, grounding her in reality, centring her soul. This breath did nothing to bring Lexa down, she felt as though she were floating. The breath had only dispersed the tingling from her fingertips, now she felt the sensation throughout her body. She was buzzing from head to toe, every cell a light with excitement. She pushed her glasses up her nose, cracked her knuckles and tried to get back to work, but instead she just stared at her screen.

Lexa was brought back to earth by a low raspy voice that commanded her full attention.

“Honey.”


	8. Thursday: Part 3

Clarke returns to behind the bar where Bellamy, Raven and Octavia are laughing loudly. Clarke thumps around scowling, rearranging bottles and glasses.

“What’s up?” Octavia joins her on the staff side of the bar to help lift a particularly heavy set of clean dishware.

“Nothing, it’s just…” she starts, but stumbles over her words “…it’s nothing” Clarke felt the heat from her veins in her stomach and it had boiled up under her skin.

“Right we all believe you, right guys?” Octavia rolls her eyes, and looks behind her for support. Bellamy lifts his glass and gives an exaggerated nod and Raven raises an eyebrow as she tilts her head.

“It’s just that Lexa chick, there’s something about her, she makes me so…” Clarke let’s out an aggravated groan “Gaaah! I don’t know, she’s rude, she think’s she’s the Queen of everything or something, she comes in here like she owns the place, she’s taking up a whole booth to her self? Like what is that?! Who comes to a _bar_ to _work_?” Clarke puts extra emphasis on bar and work and puts her arms in the air making her upper body into a questioning ‘W’.

“We do” Octavia smirked, allowing for Clarke’s rant to continue.

“You know what I mean, she ordered a tea, at a bar. _Tea_ at _a bar_. What sort of person does _that_? And you know what she asked me for? _Agave nectar_! Like where does she think she is!? And last night she came in after close and made me let her in to get her gloves because she was cold. _Unbelievable._ Just because she’s the big honcho at wherever-the-fuck she works doesn’t give her the right to come in here and expect us to kiss her ass or whatever!” Clarke finished, breathing slightly harder looking at her audience for some sort of indication that they were on the same page as her.

“I’m with you Clarke, she seemed a bit off to me, I don’t trust her” Bellamy said as he lifted his glass to his lips.

“You’re ridiculous, you always do this Clarke. You get jealous or whatever and you decide to hate people. I’m pretty sure you hated me when we first met! Like, you know we serve breakfast here right? People order coffee and tea here all the time, not everyone decides to drink at noon like these fuckers.” Octavia motions towards Raven and her brother, earning her a smile and wave from Raven and a belch from Bellamy. “You said you closed the bar early, so her showing up as you were leaving was not some intentional power play. And she’s pretty fucking nice, she’s bought us three drinks, she’s offered Ray a job, and the only reason Bell is against her is she turned down his gross offer.” Bellamy shrugged as Octavia continued, “I’ll give you the agave nectar, that’s a bit fancy for this dump, but she accepted the honey. She may be a Queen but you’re a Princess there yourself Clarke, and you probably want to be her, or be _on_ her, so chill the fuck out.” Raven slow clapped as Clarke stood there, looking like a child who had just been given a time out. Octavia hugged Clarke and softened her tone.

“I love you babe, and I know you’re going through a hard time right now, but you have no reason to not like her. I know your competitive brain thinks that you constantly have to be ‘winning’ at life or whatever, but you’ll figure out your shit soon enough, give it time, there’s no rush. You don’t need to like this girl, or anyone, but don’t compare your life to others. And it’s not right to take your frustrations out on strangers. Come to kickboxing with me tomorrow and get out your anger that way.” Clarke held on to Octavia she felt the burning behind her eyes and the lump in her throat that always came before the display of vulnerability. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes as tight as she could, trying to keep her feelings inside. She refused to let tears fall.

“Thanks, I guess I needed that” she managed to say, barely audible, then added “asshole” for good measure. The girls smiled at each other and laughed.

 

The bar door opened letting in the cold and two bundled up men who were walking so close to each other they would bump and nudge causing them to stumble and laugh. As they shed their layers Clarke recognized the one on the left with jet-black hair wrapped up in a thick wool cardigan to be her friend Monty. She made her way over to say hello, the boy on the right turned around to greet her, a large pair of ski goggles taking up most of his face.

“Did you guys come from the mountain? Boarding any good this late in the season?”

The boy in goggles chuckled as he slid them to rest on his forehead, Clarke finally recognized him as Jasper, Monty’s roommate, she should’ve known, those two are always together. Monty approached and gave Clarke a quick side hug.

“Nope, this one here thinks the goggles make him look cool”

“Hey,” he said offended “it’s an icebreaker, for the ladies, it got your attention didn’t it?” Jaspers grin spreads as he looks from Monty to Clarke. His smile takes up more real estate across his face than his goggles had. Clarke brings him in for a hug.

“How’ve you been?” Monty asks “I haven’t heard much from you since you left our place, where are you staying now?”

Clarke’s stomach tensed, she hated this question, she knew he was genuinely curious and thinking of her well-being, but it changed the mood of their encounter.

“I’m good. Staying with Octavia. I work here now” She forced a smile. Monty returned with a chortle, and Jasper just stood there blinking at his hands.

“Yeah we can see that” Monty pointed to Clarke’s chest at the embroidered ‘The Ark’ logo.

“Can we get like some nachos or just all of your mozzarella sticks? I fucking looooove mozzarella sticks. They’re so simple, so delicious, deep fried cheese how can you go wrong with that!?” Jasper held on to Clarke’s shoulder to balance himself as he spoke. Clarke blinked, and looked from Jasper to Monty and then back to Jasper, noticing the glazed look and tinge of red in their eyes.

“You two are high aren’t you?” She laughs and playfully slaps Monty hitting his wool covered chest.

“Maybe” Jasper’s grin spreads even further than before.

“Alright, Nachos and an order of mozzarella sticks coming up, anything to drink?” Clarke said taking the order without a pad.

“Water please” Monty says as he lowers himself into a chair, he smacks his lips together “I’m like, super thirsty” Clarke smiles and goes to take in the order.

“And wings and a pitcher!” Jasper called after her.

“Where the fuck is Finn!?” Octavia grumbles as she loads drinks on to her tray, “it’s starting to get busy” Raven looks up from her conversation with Bellamy at the bar

“Yeah, I’ve been waiting to talk to him, I haven’t seen him all day” Raven looked towards Clarke and she ducked her head avoiding her glare.

“He was here earlier today, I don’t know where he’s been hiding” said Octavia

“Murphy said that he left through the back a little while ago, he doesn’t know if he’s coming back or what”

The two girls blinked at her.

“And you didn’t think to tell us?” Octavia snapped “Now it’s just gonna be me all night!”

“I’m sorry, I got distracted, and I was thinking he’d come back or something. You have me, and John said he’d come out front to lend a hand if things get busy” Clarke saw the frustration grow from the bottom of Octavia’s stomach and overflow into her eyes.

“For fucks sake Clarke! You can’t just make those decisions, we work together, we need to communicate. Who’s gonna do dishes if Murphy comes out front? We could’ve called Kane in or done something else if we had a heads up, I don’t wanna work a busy shift with two newbie servers, no bartender and no clean dishes!”

“I’m sorry” Clarke looked at her shoes, clenching her eyes, feeling the burning of brewing tears. She looked up and pleaded with her friend “I’m sorry, I’m doing the best I can”

“It’s not good enough” Octavia grumbles as she takes her tray of drinks out to a table.

Clarke takes a slow breath; she fills another tray full of drinks not looking up as she feels the stares coming from Bellamy and Raven.


	9. Thursday: Part 4

Lexa had stayed, quietly working on her stacks of papers, typing away on her laptop, making a few phone calls. The noise of the bar as a steady stream of people crowded in didn’t faze her. Lexa was used to working with noise, she sometimes preferred it. She used to take her homework and study when she would go to her Taekwondo competitions. Lexa liked that when she really focused, when she got in her zone, nothing else mattered. The noise the distractions meant nothing to her when she was in her element. Every so often Lexa would stop her work and look towards the bar, and watch as the staff bustled around, she had noticed they had a system in place, the way the three worked as a unit throughout the bar, Lexa smiled as she thought of it as a dance of sorts. Like Capoeira, a martial art that was just as much about dance and fluidity as it was about battle and fierceness. She thought of the three servers as warriors. The brunette: a general, not to be trifled with. The boy who moved with soft feet, who wasn’t big on pleasantries, he would make a good infantry or spy sneaking across enemy lines. And the blonde: Clarke. She couldn’t quite place her. She thought she could be the leader; it looked as though she had rallied her troops. She would spend a good amount of time with each customer, ensuring they had everything they needed, good diplomacy skills Lexa thought. But when someone had too much to drink and had smashed a glass in their hand it was Clarke who attended to him. She could be the doctor. She did it with a calm and a confidence, cleaning the wound, and wrapping it up before anyone else had time to react or notice. Her movements were effortless and sure, adapting to each new situation as it arose, she danced her actions like cool blue water that reflected in her eyes. Lexa was following the blonde trying to explain her, trying to figure out why she could not put her in a box like she did everyone else. Then the girl was looking at her from across the bar. ”Shit” Lexa whispered to her self as she quickly looked down and pretended she was reading something very important. She glanced up again, to see if she had been caught, now the girl wasn’t just looking at her she was pointing in her direction. Lexa shut her eyes and slid down in her seat, hoping if she tried hard enough the upholstery would absorb her and she could avoid embarrassing herself any further. When she opened her eyes again Anya was standing in front of her. Her hand on her hips, one eyebrow so high it might have joined the rest of her hairline, and a Cheshire Cat grin.

“Get any work done?” her smile did not fade as she moved into sit across from Lexa “Or are you just scoping out the talent?”

“I’m just a big fan of the wings here, wanted to get a good seat,” Lexa said as she straightened herself up in her seat.

“Right, I’m sure a certain blonde has nothing to do with it”

“Not unless you’re talking about the Barnstormer” Lexa smile, she knew Anya wouldn’t take her answers at face value, but she was willing to say anything for her to drop the subject. Anya must have picked up on her queues

“Alright, well let’s order us a pitcher and some wings then, Gustus is gonna be joining us soon, and maybe Lincoln, I haven’t heard much from him today, I think he had a long night with the other server here” Lexa began putting away her papers, she smiled up at Anya, happy that her friend had joined her and as always, full of information about everyone’s lives. Anya never called it gossip; she said she was just keeping tabs on her friends and sharing any interesting developments. Anya liked to be in the loop, and Lexa liked that Anya kept her updated. Not that Lexa ever judged or would do anything with the information, she just liked knowing, and she felt connected whenever Anya shared something with her. Lexa had a tendency of shutting herself off to the rest of the world, but Anya would give her windows to the rest of society. Anya motioned for a server; the boy with slicked back hair and a t-shirt that looked like it was two sizes too big came over and turned up his thin lips in a failed attempt at a smile.

“A pitcher of Barnstormer 400 _Blonde_ Ale three glasses, some Honey Garlic wings and an order of Extra Spicy wings please” Anya gave Lexa an all-knowing grin, she rolled her eyes and smiled. The waiter left with barely a word to go fill their order. Anya slapped two hands against the table causing Lexa to jump.

“Have you heard about the sex scandal in the City Councillors office!?” Anya said excitedly. Lexa looked at her in confusion and before she had a chance to respond Anya continued, “One of the dudes on the council had this thing with auto-erotic asphyxiation, or was it some BDSM with under aged hookers? Anyway, his wife found him in some compromising position with his pants down, called 911 and then she left him for one of his female nurses at the hospital!”

“You seem really excited about this” Lexa said flatly

“He’s stepping down from his position! Do you know what this means!? There’s an empty chair in the City Council! You should totally run! I can help you!” Anya wasn’t even trying to contain her excitement over the City Councilman’s domestic troubles.

“But I just got promoted, I’m not sure that this is a good time to start up a campaign” Lexa looked down, she picked at the skin that surrounds her thumbs, running the nail of her index finger under the side of her thumbs nail. A bad habit she had since she could remember. When she was young she’d get so anxious and pick at her nails and skin so much that they would bleed. He father would scorn her and make her wear gloves all day so it would stop her from picking.

“It’s the best time to start a campaign, you’re a fresh young face eager to make change, you’re about to put through one of the largest public transit initiatives in Polis history, I’m sure Wells would be thrilled to have you run, so you’d have the backing of the local Congressman, this is nothing but good for you Lex. Worst case scenario you lose, and you go back to the job you have now, having experience in an actual campaign!” Lexa looked at Anya and she knew there was no arguing with her, she was right after all.

“All right, I’m in”

“What are you in?” an enormous bearded man with bulging arms covered in tattoos with a powerful voice towered over their table.

“Gustus you made it!” Lexa jumped up and wrapped her arms around his neck; he bent his knees to lower himself and hugged the petite woman. Lexa scooched into the booth making room for the large man. The fresh pitcher and wings were placed on the table.

“Can I get you anything to eat sir?” said Murphy

“Two orders of BBQ wings” Gustus waved him away. “So what has Anya made you agree to this time?” He asked, turning to Lexa.

“I didn’t _make_ her do anything! She’s running for City Council” Anya said pouring a beer for herself and then two more, sliding them across the table.

“Really? That’s great Lex!” he beamed, Lexa smiled up at him. Gustus was Anya’s older brother, and just like Anya, he had always been there for her. Lexa saw these two people more as family than some of her actual family and they loved her and treated her as apart of theirs. She was happy to have them in the same place; Gustus being a few years older than Anya had traveled all around the world, just returning from building hospitals in Somalia. Lexa respected and admired him so much; he had degrees in business, art and politics. He could be the most powerful man in the world she thought, but instead he lived to serve others and the greater good.

“So when does the campaigning start?” He took a lengthy drink, wiping away the foam that was caught in his thick beard.

“I’d say now, but you should wait until the subway project is well under way to announce that you’re running, so a few weeks minimum.” said Anya. Lexa and Gustus nodded in agreement.

“Anya, aren’t you going to Ottawa to visit mum at the base? In a couple weeks, you’re flight has already been booked”

“Fuck, you’re right, I completely forgot about that, she’s getting some medal for something and then she’s taking me on a secret trip that she won’t tell me anything about. How’d you get out of it?” Anya started rubbing her temples. Gustus let out a resounding bellow of laughter.

“I told her I was still in Somalia, I’ve been Skyping her weekly and sending her letters so I don’t seem like such a shit son, but you’ve got yourself sucked into that shit show!”

Anya groaned. “She’s probably going to spend the whole time trying to convince me to join the Forces like she did. Fuck, please come with me” she pleaded with her brother “You’re such a good buffer”

“Haha, sorry, you’re on your own for this one sis!” Gustus straightened up and mimicked his mother’s voice “You’ve got a mind for it Anya, don’t go wasting your potential” Anya kicked him under the table, clearing the smirk from his face.

“Shit, Lex, I’m sorry I guess I’ll be missing a bit of your campaign, I guess I can’t be your manager.” It looked as though Anya was shot as she apologized and slumped back into the booth and let out a moan.

“Don’t worry about it, I can find someone else, I could ask Indra” Anya and Gustus burst out in laughter at her comment.

“Ooh geeze Lex, I mean Indra is a good, hard worker, probably the best at what she does, but she’s not exactly a people person, she doesn’t have the charm that you may need in a campaign manager” Anya managed to get out after her fit of laughter subsided.

“I can do it” Gustus offered. The girls looked at him like he invented the light bulb “Perfect” said Anya.  

 

The three dug into their wings, Lexa licking the extra spicy sauce off of her fingers as she finished.

“Wow, I’ve never seen such a small girl eat like that” Gustus laughed as he added a crumpled napkin on to the pile of chicken bones.

“And extra spicy, damn girl, you can handle some tough shit” Anya waved her half eaten honey garlic wing in the air. Lexa grinned, her face covered in red, sticky sauce, a little bit of chicken clinging to her teeth. Clarke stepped up to the table and Lexa’s smile erased and the rest of her face turned as red as the sauce around her mouth.

“Just letting you guys know we’re doing last call, we’ll be closing at 12” She smiled at Lexa, and she gave a sheepish grin back as she cleaned her face with her napkin. Anya stared at the green-eyed girl.

“Let’s have another pitcher before we head out” suggested Gustus, and Clarke nodded as she left.

“So what was that all about?” Gustus raised a brushy eyebrow at Lexa who had been shrinking deeper into her chair since the waitress had arrived.

“Nothing,” she replied, “I just don’t like having shit all over my face in public, it’s embarrassing, I should be more dignified” she was ripping the napkin into tiny shreds and looking down.

“That’s not what that looked like” His grin matched Anya’s, Lexa felt as though she were being circled by a pack of hungry hyenas. “It’s nothing Gus, drop it. Okay?” He raised both hands in surrender. “Alright, whatever you say” Lexa wished Anya would drop things as easily as her brother, she knew she’d get another earful from Anya tonight when they were alone at their apartment.


	10. Thursday: Part 5

Clarke stayed by the bar as the last of the Thursday night crowd disappeared into nothing. The shift had gone smoother than anticipated; Murphy joined Octavia and Clarke up front. The bar was busy but everyone was ordering wings and pitchers of beer, the night went by quickly with no major hiccups. Murphy was in the back alone doing dishes, and Octavia had disappeared with Lincoln, promising to be back to help with clean up. Bellamy had stumbled into a cab shortly after Octavia left and it was just Clarke and Raven in the bar. Raven had been drinking most of the day, her eyes were glassy and she swayed a bit when she spoke. She was good company Clarke thought, she was definitely a Raven fan when they started throwing back one-liners and quotes from The Office, Parks and Recreation, Orphan Black and other shows that they both enjoyed. When they talked about Clarke’s mum the doctor, Clarke quickly changing the subject. When all the tables had been cleared and Clarke was using disinfectant on the bar top Raven took the last sip of her drink and met Clarke’s eyes.

“So you’ve been fucking my boyfriend” Clarke froze, she dropped the rag and opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. There was silence in the bar; the absence of sound hurt Clarke’s ears more than standing next to a loud speaker at a concert ever could.

“I- I’m so sorry Raven, it was an accident, well not an _accident_ exactly, I didn’t know you existed! That’s not an excuse, but as soon as I found out you were, well- since you existed I told Finn it would never happen again. I’m so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” Raven stared through Clarke, silence again, Clarke couldn’t stand it. “He- he told you?”

“He didn’t have to.” Raven looked down into her empty glass, “I saw you two talking when I came in yesterday and I assumed, then Finn was weird all day and I guess he’s avoiding me today, so I just put two and two together, it’s not rocket science.” Clarke looked at the defeated woman, wanting to reach out and do something that would heal her emotional, and physical scars. She placed her hand on top of hers, and the two shared the silence that was no longer deafening.

“Asshole” grumbled Raven, Clarke jerked her hand away from hers, “No, not you, fucking Finn.”

“Asshole” Clarke agreed, putting her hand back.

“I was gone for what, six months, he couldn’t keep it in his pants long enough for me to return from fucking _war_!?” She smiled at Clarke, but it was weak, her wound was still fresh. Clarke gave her a reassuring smile in return so she could rant and grieve without fear of judgement. “And he didn’t even mention me? What the _Fuck_!? We’ve been apart of each other’s lives since we were six! And he couldn’t even mention that I existed! I bet he heard of my leg and wussed out, fucking _coward_ ” tears were streaming down her face, Clarke joined her on the side of the bar and handed her some Kleenex. She just stood there as the girl wiped her face and blew her nose in a comical honk, Clarke suppressed a giggle, she knew this wasn’t the time to laugh, but that noise always tickled her. She felt strong arms come around her middle, the warmth of her body pressing closer into hers, Clarke returned the hug, kissed the top of her head and then rested her cheek in the same spot. They stayed in that position until Octavia emerged from the kitchen with yellow dish gloves and a hair net.

“I’ve been back here waiting for fifteen minutes for you to either make out or help clean” Murphy appeared behind her and lifted his flask with his lethargic smile. “And Ray you can come stay with us tonight, Finn’s an ass” Octavia said with a smile. Murphy approached Raven and Clarke handing them the flask.

“Come on and watch us do the dishes Reyes, it’s not more entertaining than it sounds, but it’s better than being out here alone” He said as he offered her his arm to help her off the stool. Raven ignored his gesture and hopped down grabbing the flask from Clarke as she followed Octavia into the kitchen.


	11. Friday: Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexually frustrated Clarke:)

Clarke woke up, not certain where she was. It was still dark, with streaks of orange just beginning to poke through the curtains. Her pillows had moved away from her spreading across the carpet, her blanket tangled around her, Clarke had never been a static sleeper. She yawned and stretched, her head resting on the floor, she had offered Raven the couch to sleep on, and she would have joined Octavia in her bed, but that position had been filled by Lincoln. Clarke was stiff and reeked of a distillery; she could still taste the bourbon on her tongue. The group had continued drinking and partying throughout town after The Ark had been locked up for the night and made it back home close to five in the morning. Clarke wrapped herself in the blanket and got up to get some water, she checked the clock, it was nine minutes after seven, and the sun was almost completely up. She stood by the desk that looked out the window as the light beams filled the morning sky. Clarke looked down at her sketchbook that was on the desk with pencils taking up the rest of the space. She had started sketching on Wednesday night, snowflakes and evergreen forests mostly, but she was not happy with how they were coming out. Clarke still didn’t feel like an artist, but she was taking the steps to get there. She picked up a pencil and started making shapes on a blank page, she wasn’t sure what she was drawing, a portrait maybe. The human eye seeks to find faces in the abstract. From the circles she drew, she imagined a jungle, so thick, wild and green. So full of trees that you could walk for a lifetime and never reach the other side. She imagined rose coloured pillows, as soft and glowing as the sunrise on clouds, they taste and smell like cotton candy. She imagined a streaming chocolate waterfall, curling and flowing in elegant spirals and waves. Clarkes hands began to shake, she put down her pencil and although she was not tired she curled up on the floor and did her best to fall back to sleep where she dreamed of the magical place.

 

Clarke woke up a few hours later to a kick in the stomach and a _CRASH!_

“Ooh fuck!” she groans, Raven is on the floor. “Shit Ray! Are you okay?”

“Peachy” she rubs her elbows and pushes herself up to sit, Clarke helps her to her feet.

“I guess I haven’t mastered walking over people sleeping on the floor. Sorry I tripped over you”

“Are you serious? Don’t worry about it, I’m glad you’re okay” Clarke brushed herself of and gave Raven a quick hug.

“Is everything okay? We heard noises, did something break?” Octavia appears from the bedroom she held her sheet to herself making a strapless gown, Lincoln follows in only sweatpants, his bare chest capturing the light and he glistens like little diamonds are incrusted into his skin. Clarke and Raven’s eyes lingered for longer than Octavia appreciated.

“Yeah we’re good, Raven and I were just… ummm wrestling… wanna join?” Clarke said wagging her eyebrows, Raven’s look of shock and embarrassment transforming into an appreciative smile and soft laugh.

“Ha Ha, very funny. Will somebody make coffee while I get dressed?” Octavia retreated to her bedroom “Clarke are you still gonna come kickboxing with me?” Octavia’s voice carried through the small apartment. Raven moved into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. Clarke shrugged and picked up her pillows and blanket from the floor.

“Yeah, I guess.” Her arms overflowing, she moved to the couch and started stripping and folding the bits of bedding from the couch. It had been drunkenly made, crumpled in some areas leaving spots on the couch bare, but it obviously didn’t impact Raven’s sleep.

“Awesome, we’ll get breakfast on the way there, wanna come Ray?” Octavia says from the bedroom.

“I’m good, I don’t want to destroy you two” Raven laughs and hands Lincoln a hot mug. “Me and the big guy will hang out, right?”

“Yeah, sure” He smiled as he spooned heaps of sugar into his coffee.

 

Lexa had finished her morning run and rolled out her mat to prepare for her Yoga routine. The smell of the cinnamon buns Anya had been making all morning filled the room, her tea was hot, just how she liked it and the sun came in through the windows like a golden river. Lexa loved Fridays; she didn’t have to go into the office so she could spend her day how she wanted. She breathed deep into her stretch and let the calm wash over her, she let her self be mindful of what her body wanted, she held the position a bit longer and sank deeper.

“You wanna play Risk later today?” Anya said from the kitchen, pulling out rolls that overflowed from the pan, the aroma was intoxicating.

“I’m trying to focus right now,” Lexa said changing into Warrior Pose.

“That’s why I said later! Duh” Anya grinned as she coated the buns in icing. It melted and dripped down the sides as soon as the frosting touched the hot pastry.

“But you always win, it’s no fun playing with you” Lexa said as she breathed deeper into her pose.

“But you’re the best competition I get!” Anya brought Lexa a hot roll and placed the plate beside her mat. Lexa peaked through one eye, and came out of her stretch to snatch up the delicious treat. She sat on her mat with her legs crossed and pulled off a layer and stuffed the sticky dough into her mouth. She groaned in delight.

“The bribes are helping” her words muffled by the treat. “I mean, I guess so, later today. I have some things I need to get done. So put me down for a hard maybe.” Lexa smiled up at Anya, her cheeks puffed full of food.

“Alright, and maybe we could invite some people to join us, you know, like Gustus, Lincoln, whoever. Have some drinks make it a lame board game night”

“Woooh! Crazy Friday night plans as usual Anya” Lexa smiled as she finished her cinnamon bun and sucked the frosting off of her fingers.

“Great, tonight it is!” Anya clapped her hands together and Lexa wondered why she was so excited for a night in. She shook it off and got ready to go to her Taekwondo class.

 

Clarke was sweating and breathing heavily. She hit the pad on Octavia’s hand she hit again,

“One, one, two, one, one two, two… Good! Rest” Octavia commanded with the last punch Clarke gave it her all; her hangover and anger had dissipated. She was starting to feel normal again. She picked up her water bottle and squeezed a stream of water into her mouth.

“I guess I needed to sweat it out, you were right O, thanks”

“No problem Griff, you need to relax you’re too hard on yourself sometimes” Clarke passed her the bottle.

“I’m sorry about yesterday and the whole Finn thing with me not telling you.”

“Don’t worry about it, I had no idea about him and Raven and you, what a dick. Then he just leaves us hanging at work, fuck.” Octavia took a long drink from the bottle and pushed hair from her forehead. “But the night went smoothly, so it’s all good,” Clarke smiled at her words; she looks at the clock hanging at the front of the gym.

“We better go the next class is about to start” They leave the matted area through the lobby doors.

“Could we stay? What class is it?” Asks Octavia, Clarke shrugs,

“Umm excuse me!” Clarke grabs the attention of the girl sitting on a bench in the front area, removing her boots and layers of winter clothing.

“Hey!” The girl looks up at the familiar voice, her mouth slightly open as she holds her boot.

“Hey, I know you, Clarke right?” Lexa blushes, she has no doubt of the girls name.

“Hey!” Clarke’s voice uncharacteristically high pitched.

“Hey, Lexa. What class is next? Are you in it?” Octavia smiles and asks because her friend stopped making any noise. She elbowed her in the ribs.

“Yeah, it’s Taekwondo, but I don’t think they take walk ins though; sorry”

“Yeah, no worries!” Clarke finally managed to string words together mixed with a nervous laugh “We were just wondering, thanks” The girls smile at each other. Clarke felt boiling under her skin again; the normalcy she had reclaimed after the exercise was gone.

“We should head out, nice to see you Lexa” Octavia says as she grabs Clarkes arm and drags her away.

Clarke didn’t say anything until they got back to Octavia’s apartment. She had let Octavia talk non-stop about Lincoln and how great he was, and how happy she was to have Bellamy back. Clarke did her best to listen but her mind was elsewhere.

 

“Hey guys! What did you get up to?” Octavia greeted her guests as she threw her gym bag in the corner and hung up her jacket.

“Not much, just watching some Dr. Who, wanna join? I made popcorn” Raven lifted the bowl. Octavia looked at Lincoln wrinkling her forehead.

“What? It was either this or a documentary about the industrial revolution. And it’s actually pretty good, I’m getting into it!” He smiled as he grabbed Octavia by her waist and pulled her down so that she was sitting on his lap. They kiss and Raven throws popcorn at them, doing nothing to distract the couple. Clarke feels her stomach bubble, and huffs into a chair.

“What’s the matter with you? I thought exercise was supposed to release endorphins and make you less crabby” Raven tosses popcorn over at Clarke.

“Yeah, I guess it didn’t last very long” she mumbles.

“Oh!” Lincoln pulls himself from Octavia long enough to speak “My friend Anya invited us over to her place to play board games if anyone is interested, it should be fun, you’re all welcome to come! Risk is her favourite, so I’d expect that’s in the line up!” He smiles as he looks around the room.

“Wooh Risk! I’m all about that world domination!” Raven cheers.

“I’m in” Octavia smiles and pulls Lincoln in for a kiss.

“I’m gonna shower, gotta be at work in a bit” Clarke gets up and heads to the bathroom.

“Don’t take too long, we all need to shower too!” Octavia shouts from Lincolns lap, his lips exploring her neck.

Raven chuckles to herself. “Ahhh, the joys of four people in a one bedroom apartment.”


	12. Friday: Part 2

Clarke works her forearm as she muddles the orange peel into the simple syrup and bitters; she fills the cocktail shaker with ice, poring whiskey over the concoction and brings the shaker up to her ear and moves it up and down to mix the drink. She pours the Old Fashioned into a lowball glass and slides it across the bar to the smiling, unshaven Officer Miller.

“Wow Clarke, you do good work,” He states, after he takes a sip and looks at the glass, impressed. Clarkes pale cheeks streak red.

“This is truly a work of art,” said Officer Harper, the blonde sitting next to him sipping on her Cosmopolitan. Clarke smiled and thanked them and walked away, she wasn’t really in the mood to chat. Her fuzzy feeling and general angst from the morning hadn’t gone away. And she really didn’t want to talk to Harper; she had that look in her eye that Clarke remembered from University. When they were bored or drunk and would sloppily make out or hook up in the back of somebody’s car or in an empty bed at a party. She cleaned and poured drinks for the majority of the day in silence.

“You know what you need?” Raven asked as Clarke was slicing lemon wedges. Raven continued despite Clarke’s lack of response or acknowledgement.

“You need to get laid.”

Clarke fumbled the knife, almost cutting her thumb. She looked up. “What, are you offering?” Clarke inspected her knife grazed skin then went back to slicing the lemons.

“No, not me, we’ve got enough drama for right now. Just choose somebody, anybody, a one night stand, hell do it now! Make it a one afternoon stand!” Clarke rolled her eyes at Raven “It’ll be good for you, release all this…” Raven gestured to Clarke, waving her hand at her searching for a word. “… Tension you’ve got going on. It’s great cardio, and it’ll be more effective than whatever exercise you did this morning.”

Clarke thought about it, she did have a lot of tension, it’s not like you can masturbate in people’s living rooms when you’re sleeping on their couch. But the last time she had sex it didn’t work out so well, fucking Finn she thought. Raven looked around the bar and pointed to the girl who was flirting with Harper. She was a similar build to Clarke. She had a rich, mahogany complexion with a sprinkling of freckles across her nose and cheeks; her thick spirals perfectly fall past her shoulders. She threw her head back to laugh and hints of a tattoo crept up her clavicle.

“How about that girl, she’s smokin’, take her to the back room, I can pour my own drinks.” Clarke looked up and saw Harper place her hand on the girl’s forearm; she looked up and her golden eyes flickered at Clarke like two candles on a summer night.

“I think Harper has called dibs on that one unfortunately.” Clarke shrugged.

“Alright then, how about the next person to walk in the bar?” Raven takes a mouthful of her beer and turns to face the entrance. Clarke looks up for a moment, waiting for someone to appear, but nothing happens.

“Excuse me?” a soft voice interrupts the staring match with the door. Clarke looks at the golden-eyed girl she had been watching moments before.

“Hey, how can I help you?” Clarke put down the knife and wiped her hands on a cloth.

“I’d like to settle my tab, and I’m going to pick up that cop’s drink as well. The name is Cosita” She spoke with an accent, but Clarke couldn’t place it.

“Of course!” Clarke handed her a bill and the payment terminal. Clarke smiled and looked down, feeling awkward in the exchange, certain that Costia had known she was staring at her earlier.

 

Miller had joined Raven at the bar when Harper left with with Costia. Raven and Miller were deep in conversation when she joined. Clarke returned to slicing lemon wedges.

“That’s really tough Ray, I know when I went under cover for almost half a year things with Brian were really different, but we managed to get through it.” He fidgeted with his glass as he spoke. Raven took it from his hand to stop the scraping of the glass against the maple counter.

“Nah, I don’t think I want to work through it” She took a sip of Miller’s Old Fashioned “Like, I love him, I’ll always love him, he’s been there since I can remember. But we’ve grown up, we’ve changed, maybe it’s time to see what else is out there.” Miller touched her wrist reassuringly. “He hurt me, a lot, and I don’t think I want to be with someone who would do that to somebody they love. Loved.” She corrected herself. Clarke felt out of place. She thought she was intruding on a crime scene that she helped create. She moved to the other end of the bar where Jasper and Monty were tossing nuts into each other’s mouths.

“Hey Clarke!” Monty grins with a peanut between his teeth. “Check this out” He tosses a peanut in the air and then after a beat a second peanut. Jasper sat with his head back and mouth open, the first peanut plopped in his mouth, he then moved quickly to catch the second. They both shot up their arms in triumph, high fived, and looked to Clarke eagerly anticipating praise.

“Wow, very impressive, you two should have your own show” Clarke smiled and the boys went back to throwing nuts at each other.

“Hey Clarke, would you be looking for a place to stay permanently?” Monty asks without really looking at her “Our roommate is moving out and we’ve got a spare bedroom.”

Clarke thought about the offer, she did have a job now, and she got along with the two of them well enough when she stayed on their couch the few times. She often felt like a third wheel or just confused at their jokes and mannerisms and the apartment was always a mess with experiments and home projects, but these things could be over looked. Clarke thought about her finances; she had only been working a few days and hadn’t received her first pay cheque yet, and wouldn’t for a few weeks. She had debt up to her ears that she would have to deal with sooner or later. After months of mooching off of people and couch surfing, she wanted some time to herself. A space to herself.

“Can I think about it and get back to you guys?”

“Sure! But living with us is such a sweet offer; it might go fast if you’re not careful” Jasper smiled and then tossed a nut at Clarke, hitting her shoulder. “Awww, you were supposed to catch that!” he smiled and tossed a peanut into his own mouth. Clarke laughed and cleaned the counter of the nuts that had been dropped and abandoned.


	13. Friday: Part 3

Lexa sang along to the radio as she drove through thee streets of Polis. She had a great morning, a hard workout at Taekwondo, and she picked up some fresh vegetables, craft beer, and artisanal candles from the Farmer’s Market. Today was a good day, she was happy about running for City Council, that Gustus was back and promised to be her campaign manager. Anya wasn’t pressuring her into going out tonight and she had said surprisingly very little about what Lexa referred to as ‘The Wing Incident’ with Clarke. Lexa drove up a street; planning on going into the office to ensure everything was running smoothly in her absence. She parked and went up to the 32nd floor the elevator dinged and she stepped out greeting the receptionist. Lexa walked down the halls and through the cubicles, greeting everyone by name. There was a bounce in her step that came when someone is having a particularly good day. She turned into her office and flipped through the papers that had been left on her desk, putting the more urgent ones into her bag.  
“I did not think you came in on Fridays” Lexa turned to see the man standing in her doorway, his suit pressed and tailored perfectly, the light reflected off of his shiny, white, shaved head.  
“Titus.” Lexa put her papers down and faced him “It’s good to see you.” The man nodded in response. Lexa continued, “We’ll have to catch up sometime, there are some developments that you may be interested in hearing about, are you free this weekend?”   
“Monday would work better. After you are finished here we will go to dinner. You may pick the restaurant.” His normally stern expression forced a smile for her benefit.  
“I look forward to it”   
Titus nodded and left the room that he had never really entered. Lexa let out a breath; her hands shook slightly as the put the rest of her important papers in her bag. She hadn’t seen Titus since her Graduation ceremony. He sat with a weak grin next to Anya and Gustus who were the loudest in the audience as she gave her valedictorian speech and even louder when she crossed the stage. Lexa would say that he was her father figure, but that wasn’t true, she supposed the closest thing she could call a father now. He a person she’s known since she was little, even longer than she’d known Anya and Gustus. And he has remained an integral part of her life, guiding her, pushing her and helping her with money and other things. It was because of Titus that she was able to get the internship that lead to her new position. She had been called names and whispered about because of his help, some calling it nepotism, others calling it much worse, but she knew she had earned it. And while it was her hard work and commitment that got her to where she is today she always attributed her success, at least in part, to Titus.   
He had been good friends with her father before he died. He had stood there with her and her mother and sister at his funeral as his casket was lowered into the earth, the Marines shooting their guns in the air to salute his bravery and dedication. Each blast made Lexa jump out of her skin. It was the only time she had ever seen Titus cry, tears silently spilling over his cheeks, he didn’t even bother to wipe them away because he was grasping her hand so tight. Lexa’s throat closed and chest tightened it felt as though someone had reached into her mouth to squeeze her heart like a stress ball. It had been a long time since she had let herself remember her father’s death. Lexa decided she needed a drink and left her office with purpose.

“Lexa!” someone yelled after her. Lexa slowed, contemplating ignoring the call and going home to cocoon herself in blankets with some wine and Netflix. She turned around to see Indra power walking down the hall towards her.  
“I need you to sign off on the contract for Ms. Reyes’ employment.”   
Lexa dug in her purse for a pen, but Indra produced one swiftly and held it in the air by it’s tip. “Thanks” She mumbled signing the contract on the wall.  
“A few of us are going for a few end of the week drinks if you’d care to join us” Indra said taking the papers from Lexa. “To the bar down the street, the Ark, I believe” Lexa thought of the fate of her vegetables in the car but her attention was peaked at the mention of bars name.  
“I could really need a drink right now” Lexa laughed and accepted of the offer “I’ll meet you there” she smiled and rushed down to her car. 

Lexa took off her coat as she entered the bar; the booths and most of the tables were full. Her eyes wandered to the bar where Clarke the bartender was pouring drinks for two boys throwing nuts at each other. She decided to take a seat a bit further down the bar, out of range from the projectile snacks.   
“Hey! Fancy running into you here” The bartender greets her “How was your Taekwondo class?”   
Lexa smiled, her cheeks pushing up on her eyes, the hazel shining through the cracks, happy that the girl remembered their encounter from earlier.  
“It was good, thank you, it’s a great exercise”   
“I bet, I know I was winded after the kickboxing class and that’s just supposed to be a fun fitness thing with punching!” She pours a few beers and puts them on a tray that Octavia takes away. “What can I do for ya?”  
Lexa looks into the sparkling sapphire eyes and thinks of all the things that she could do for her.  
“Umm a menu, please, and ahh, I don’t know something to drink, hmmm a local beer I guess, or maybe ummm a vodka soda or something” It comes out as more of a question, Lexa is baffled by herself, she’s a good speaker, she has been giving speeches to audiences of more than a hundred people since she was in high school, she’s rarely at a loss for words or questioning her decisions.  
“Do you trust me?” Clarke leans against the bar on her crossed forearms, the movement pushes up her breasts and Lexa is once again at a loss for words.   
“Ummm I guess so” She forces herself to hold eye contact, not wanting to get caught looking down at the supple bosom. At her words a glint of excitement lights up the blue eyes and then spreads throughout the rest of her body.  
“Great!” she hands her a menu and gets to work. Lexa can’t take her eyes off of Clarke, her concentration with a hint of joy as she flies from one end of the bar to the other gathering ingredients. She pours everything with precision; her tongue sticks between her teeth as her eyes narrow in focus. She shakes up the concoction and pours it into a long stemmed martini glass the liquid threatens to overflow. She carefully places it in front of her, not spilling a drop and garnishing it with a sprig of mint. Lexa looks down in awe.  
“It-it’s beautiful,” she stammers.  
“Go on try it! It’s Gin, Cognac, aperol, grenadine, and lemon.” Lexa brings the mixture to her lips with care.  
“Oh wow, that’s delicious it’s really amazing. Great job! What’s it called?” She takes another longer sip the perfect balance of sweet and bitter brought a smile to her face, this was exactly what she needed, the combination of flavours dance on her tongue.  
“Sward and Pistol, well sort of, it’s also been called a Polaris, but without St. Germaine but it’s basically a more boozy take on a Tom Collins, I think, I don’t really know.” Clarke leans forward on her arms watching as her customer appreciates her work.  
“It’s perfect, thank you”   
“I’m glad you like it” Her grin wide and toothy, Lexa is certain she could count each of the little pearls that were flashed on her behalf.  
“You’re really good at this” Lexa leans in closer against the bar, mirroring Clarkes position.  
“HA! Thanks, but I just learned that from Murphy our dishwasher this morning” Lexa smiles at the girl’s inability to take a compliment. “Thanks for letting me use you as a guinea pig.” Clarke says, the tip of her tongue peaking through her teeth.   
“Anytime” replies Lexa taking another sip. Clarke smiles and looks down. Lexa smirks into her glass as she catches Clarke’s glance at her chest. Clarke pushes herself so that she’s standing.   
“So, uh, anything to eat?” Clarke clears her throat.  
“I guess I should ask for your recommendations for that too eh?”   
“Burger all the way”  
“Burger it is.”  
Clarke leaves to place the order in the kitchen. Lexa takes another sip of her drink.   
“Excuse me.”   
Lexa turns to find Indra standing to her left. She lowers her glass.  
“Oh, hey I was wondering when you’d get here” she lied. She had completely forgotten the plan to have a group of people from the office out as soon as she entered the bar.  
“There is not enough tables for all of us, we are leaving to another bar, will you be joining us?” Indra’s after work demeanour was identical to the one she has in the most professional settings, Lexa wonders if she ever lets lose or has any fun at all.  
“I can’t.” Lexa shook her head feigning disappointment. “I just ordered food.”  
“Okay, I will tell the others. Would you like for me to stay with you and keep you company?” Indra’s expression barely changed, she stood there as powerful and impassive as ever. Lexa was touched by Indra’s thought for her wellbeing; it warmed her and she gave a soft smile.  
“It’s alright. Go off with the others and have fun, you deserve it. You do great work. We couldn’t have got the project off the ground without you.” Indra nodded in response, Lexa watched Indra fight against the upward curl of her mouth.  
“Hey Clarke! I need two rum and coke, a Cosmo, G&T, four Guinness, and a bottle of the pinot with two glasses.” Octavia barked her order on the other side of Lexa.  
“Hey Octavia, how’s it going?” Lexa looked up at her resolute expression.  
“Oh, hey Lexa, good to see you. Busy.” Octavia barely looked her way. Lexa cursed to herself for her attempt to make conversation with the server. She knew they weren’t friends, she could count the times they’ve interacted on one hand, and most of them were while Octavia was working, it had just been so easy with the bartender. Clarke filled trays with drinks and Octavia picked one up and balanced it on her extended fingers, she passed behind Lexa and bumped into Indra.  
“Excuse me.” Indra said, her low, hard tone mixed with annoyance intimidated even Lexa, who did not intimidate easily.  
“Oh, I’m so sorry” Octavia turned and apologized. “It’s pretty crowded in here, I didn’t mean to.” Indra looked at the waitress, her eyes narrowed as she sized her up. A stumbling patron bumped Octavia again from the back her body lurched forward. Octavia acted quickly, redistributing her weight she twisted her torso as her legs widen into a half lunge, somehow managing to keep all of the drinks on the tray with minor spillage. Indra turned to face the frat boy who was backing away apologizing profusely, her look said it all as he threw bills on the table, leaving a generous tip and quickly left the bar. Octavia circled the bar delivering drinks to happy customers and returned to Indra and Lexa.  
“Thank you for that, we don’t need people getting wasted before six.” Octavia said.  
“Not a problem.” Indra responded. “You showed great strength and skill. You did not spill one glass, that is impressive.” Octavia smiled.  
“Thanks. I try. Can I get you a drink or something? As a thank you, it’s on me.” Indra thought for a moment about the proposition.   
“No. I was just about to leave.”  
“Alright another time.” Octavia extended her hand “I’m Octavia.” Indra looked down at the peace offering then met Octavia’s eyes, took her palm into her own giving a stiff, formal shake.  
“Indra.” She nodded towards Lexa and then made her way to the exit.  
“She scares me a little.” Octavia says to Lexa as she grabs another tray of drinks.  
“She has that effect on everybody.” Lexa laughs.


	14. Friday: Part 4

Clarke comes in with a steaming beef patty on a freshly baked bun, vibrant, crisp lettuce and tomato piled on top with a heap of golden French fries. Lexa’s mouth watered and her stomach growled, she didn’t think that she was that hungry, but the combination of a picture perfect image of the blonde placing the feast in front of her and the life altering aroma was enough to make anyone drool.

“Wow, this looks amazing, thank you” Lexa digs into her plate, taking a giant bite of her burger, leaving a dab of ketchup in the corner of her mouth as evidence. Clarke smiles as she watches her eat.

“No problem, can I pour you another drink?” Clarke picks up the empty glass and puts it behind the bar. Lexa swallows her mouthful and cleans her face with her napkin.

“If it’s as good as that last one was I’ll be in trouble” she laughs, already feeling the effects of the alcohol bubbling around her head.

“Don’t worry, I can give you a nice local beer that’ll pair nicely with your burger if you want”

“I don’t know, I’m feeling a little bit adventurous, if you’re up for it?” both of Lexa’s eyebrows slide up her forehead, her lips expand across her cheeks, her head tilted ever so slightly to the right. Clarke’s jaw dropped until she realised she was staring.

“Yeah! I’d be happy to make you something else.”

Lexa watched as Clarke buzzed around pouring the new drink, this one in a smaller glass slightly larger than a shot, but clearly meant to be sipped she thought to herself. It was a thick neon blue potion that didn’t look like it should be consumed by any living creature.

“Blue Curaçao, cream, and lemonade” Clarke said as she presented the drink.

“It doesn’t look nearly as appetizing as the last one” Lexa laughed as she brought the glass to eye level inspecting it’s contents.

“I guess not, it’s called a Noah’s Ark” Clarke paused Lexa’s nose wrinkled. “I can make you something else if you don’t like it, it’s pretty hard to fuck up a beer.”

“No I’m sure it’ll be great” Lexa reassured her “Noah’s Ark, is that where the bar got its name? Is this like a specialty drink or something?”

“Oh, it’s not a signature drink or anything, just something I found in the recipe book. I’m not actually sure how the bar got its name. It’s entirely possible it’s a nod to the Bible story.”

“That’s too bad I was hoping it would be a more interesting back story, like the owner was a big fan of Indiana Jones or something.” Lexa rests her chin on her hand and leans on her elbow on the bar top, chewing a fry like she was smoking a cigarette.

“What?” Clarke asks particularly confused.

“You know, Raiders of the Lost Ark? With Harrison Ford. Bringing a gun to a sword fight? The Nazi’s get their faces melted off?” Clarke looks at her with a blank stare. “You don’t know Indiana Jones?! Crazy.” She was sitting up now, hands gripping the ledge as she leaned closer. She takes a breath and feels the urge to continue, “Okay maybe the owner’s not a big fan of Indy, maybe took a nice trip to Poland or maybe it’s a typo, there are hundreds of Arcadia’s with a C, or maybe he’s really into Greek mythology” At these words she watches Clarke light up.

“Yeah! That’s what I was thinking, Marcus is from the Greek Arkadia”

“Cool, Marcus sounds an awful lot like Arcus, are there any bear decorations?” Lexa excitedly looks around.

“Nope, I’ve looked, not even the Big Dipper on the ceiling” Clarke points upwards.

“Too bad, that would’ve been a more exciting back story” Lexa polishes off her fries and takes a sip of the blue stuff which wasn’t as bad as she expected.

“Where’d you learn about Greek Gods?” Clarke asked.

“We were in the same Gods and Theology class when I was in my third year.”

Clarke scrunched her forehead, perplexed. Lexa continued, “You did your oral presentation on Minerva, The Roman Goddess of art, wisdom, and medicine.”

“Later becoming associated as the goddess of battle,” Clarke added, impressed with Lexa’s ability to recall their shared history, “more sympathetic than Mars, she respected and honored the fallen.” Clarke turned from an expression of bemusement to reverence. “I liked her because she was a master of both art and medicine, that class gave me the confidence to switch majors, I wanted to be Minerva,” Clarke smiled to herself “What God did you do you’re project on?”

“Athena Goddess of wisdom and war, basically Minerva’s Greek counterpart.”

“Two Goddess’s fighting for the same things, representing similar ideals, just in different worlds. Very neat.” Clarke said.

The women shared their moment in the crowded bar, beaming at each other. Lexa couldn’t hear anything but her heartbeat and the way Clarke was looking at her she knew it was the same for her. Their hearts beat as one as the activity of the busy pub becomes dim and faded around them. They’re in their own personal snow globe, peaceful and quiet, nothing else in their world but each other. Lexa could feel the flakes softly land on her eyelashes and cheeks. They are brought out of their daze when Octavia slams a tray on the bar.

“There are a few other customers who need your attention Clarke.” Octavia say as she scowls at her friend “I need a Manhattan, three Gin Martinis one with extra olives, two vodka martinis one with a twist, I need five tequila shots, seven jagerbombs, a screwdriver, and a hammer to beat you with.” She paused “That last part’s a joke” She smiled and joined Clarke behind the bar to pour drinks and take orders.

Lexa felt a pang of guilt, distracting Clarke from her job; it had just been so easy and fun. She sipped more of her blue drink, it was sickly sweet, but it was growing on her. She thumbed through her phone distracting herself, trying not to look like she was lost waiting for the bartender to come back and pay attention to her. She finished her drink too quickly she felt her burger mix with the Curaçao and cream, the sugar rotting her teeth. Clarke returned with a water glass without Lexa needing to ask.

“Thanks,” she said as she took a sip. “So are you graduated now?” Lexa asked trying to get their conversation started again, but she regretted it as she watched Clarke’s face fall, and then build herself back up, plastering on a smile, that looked exhausting to maintain before she gave her answer.

“Yeah, I finished in December. I took some extra time, switching majors will do that I guess.” Clarke looked down, “Not that I can do much with a degree in Fine Arts anyway.” She gestured to herself.

Lexa felt her stomach twist; her tongue lay limp and locked away. She remembered the feeling of being lost, alone, with no direction. After graduation everyone had such high expectations for her and kept telling her of all her potential, but she no idea how to start. She wanted to say something that would help, to make her feel better. But she knew anything she would say wouldn’t fix anything for Clarke, or make it better. All of the ‘it’ll get betters’ and the ‘you’ll find somethings’ in the world wouldn’t help Clarke right now, and Lexa knew from experience. She just wanted to jump over the bar and give her a hug in hopes that the gesture would say everything that needed to be said but couldn’t be articulated.

“You’re doing well. It’s hard.” Lexa gave her best reassuring smile that Clarke returned.

Clarke felt an ease wash over her, she felt at home with Lexa. “Do you ever feel like school was a waste of time and money?”

“Constantly.”

“Really? I wouldn’t have expected that. Your life is so together and perfect” Lexa’s eyes closed as she threw her head forward and laughed at the comment.

“I’m glad I’ve mastered the art of making people think I know what I’m doing. I just pretend then lock myself in a room and cry. I’m figuring out everything as I go. I’m constantly terrified.” Lexa stopped her words with a long drink of water. She couldn’t believe she just told someone that. That was a secret she swore she would take to her grave. But Clarke just smiled back at her, emitting the energy that put Lexa back at ease and open to telling her all of her darkest truths.

“I’ve thought about going off into the woods and disappearing forever. Live my life in the mountains as a hermit.” Clarke said, Lexa laughed making her choke on some of her water. “What? I think I could do it, survive I mean, my dad used to taking me camping all the time, I’ve got some survival skills!” Clarke laughed too, “Plus I kinda just want to be alone, I’m tired of people being around, everywhere.” Clarke sighed

“Oh should I go?”

“Oh no, not you. I’m just thinking in general, couch surfing does not provide optimal levels of privacy.” Clarke took a deep breath, hoping Lexa didn’t catch her homeless situation.

“I think you’re very brave Clarke” she said, her eyes wide and earnest.

“Oh yeah, Feral Griffin they’ll call me! I could take on the bears or any beast that crosses my path in the woods!” Clarke jokes as she lifts her fists in a fighting position giving a mean look.

“No, I mean with your art.” Clarke lowers her fists; her look softens. “Following your passion, it takes a certain type of person to not just realize their dreams, but to have the courage to peruse them. I admire that greatly.”

Clarke stands there stunned by the words. She had never thought of herself as brave, stupid maybe; but never having any qualities that would be admired by someone as put together as Lexa. Clarke felt herself flush with red and it took all of her strength not to look away and hide it. She kept staring at the beautiful girl that had just given her the best compliment she had ever received.

“Umm I mean, thank you. But like, you’re doing the same, somebody doesn’t get to where you are in such a short time without a decent amount of passion and drive.” Lexa wondered why Clarke had such a difficult time accepting compliments, it bothered her a little, tainting Clarke’s words, making it harder for Lexa to accept them as true. Clarke was amazing; anyone who would pay the smallest amount of attention couldn’t miss that fact, her inability to listen to that about herself was troubling. “I bet you could change the world if you wanted to” Clarkes words were so sincere and she looked at her with a gaze that was thoughtful and truly genuine it was Lexa’s turn to blush at the words.

“Thank you I really appreciate that.” She said. Any of the doubts Lexa had about running for City Council were completely gone now.

“Alright Clarke just help me with tables “1, 4,5, and 8 and then Echo, Atom, and Maya are coming so we can go out tonight.” Octavia appeared from nowhere and was at Clarke’s side.

“Ooooh, big Friday night plans eh?” Lexa was not ready to let Clarke go.

“We’re doing a board game night with Lincoln at his friends place” said Octavia leaning on her elbow, using Clarke’s shoulder as support. Lexa wanted to take a sip of water so that she could spit it out in disbelief.

“His friend Anya’s place?” She asked hoping for a moment that it was a different friend of Lincoln’s having a casual Friday night in.

“Yeah! How’d you know?” Octavia cracked a beer and took a drink handing it to Clarke.

“She’s my roommate” Lexa gave a weak smile as her shoulders half heartedly reached for her ears in something someone who couldn’t think of a better word would call a shrug.

“So I guess we’ll see you tonight!” Octavia left to settle her tables.

“Yeah! It’ll be fun” Lexa smiled “I’m ready for the bill, I should leave and help Anya set up.”

“I’ll be honest with you I’m relieved that you’ll be there, I thought it was just another excuse to watch Lincoln and O suck face.” Clarke took another sip of the beer that Octavia had opened and offered it to Lexa; she took it by the neck avoiding the painted fingers that gripped the bottle.

“I wasn’t looking forward to it much either, I thought it was a way for Anya to get information, she’s a bit of a gossip.” She sipped the beer; there was a hint of Cherry flavor that didn’t come from the beer itself but the mouth of the bottle. She licked her lips and let her mind wander for a moment. Clarke traded her the bottle for the transaction machine and she typed in her information and handed back and pulled on her coat. “Thank you for everything, and I’ll see you tonight!” She smiled and flashed her green eyes.

“Wait up, I think you made a mistake, you left me a twenty dollar tip” Clarke typed in the machine.

“It’s not a mistake” she assured her.

“I can’t just take your money, I served you a gross blue thing” Clarke held out the machine but Lexa refused to take it.

“The tip is for the experience you provided. It’s well worth it. Had I not had you serving me I probably would’ve ordered a boring vodka or some beer and nachos, and I wouldn’t have had any stimulating conversations.”

“Hey, you can never go wrong with nachos” Clarke smiled, still feeling uneasy about taking her money; she had enjoyed their time together at the bar. Watching the small woman demolish the burger and fries without a problem or hesitation would have been payment enough for her. “Thank you. See you tonight.”


	15. Friday: Part 5

Lexa opened another bag of chips and searched the cupboards, rearranging pans and platters, before closing the door with a soft thud.

“Where are the bowels?!” she yelled as she opened a draw she had already rummaged through.

“You may have used them all” Anya came out of her room putting her earrings on as she walked towards the island “Why do you keep fussing over all the food anyway?”

“No reason, it’s just, you know, the boys eat a lot, and I want to be a good hostess.”

Anya raised an eyebrow, Lexa tried her best to settle herself, but her giddy excitement was painfully obvious.

“This morning you barely wanted the board game night, what’s changed?” Lexa rose triumphant with a glass bowl and danced on the spot as she emptied the bag and set it on the island with the smorgasbord of various cheeses, meats, dips, and candy.

“Nothing has changed, I’m just excited to see our friends is that a crime?” Lexa moved a bowl of M&M’s ever so slightly to the left and smiled at the spread.

“Not a crime, just out of character.” Anya watched her roommate busy herself in the living room where there was even more platters and bowls overflowing with snacks, she fluffed pillows and arranged them in order of size, and then colour, and then size again, finally steeping back with her hands on her hips looking vaguely satisfied.

“I’m going to shower, there are hors d’oeuvres in the oven, will you take them out when the timer goes?” Anya took a sip of wine, but never took her eyes off Lexa who had started rearranging the pillows again.

“I know we’re playing Risk Lex, but this is more than enough food to feed an _actual_ army.”

“Please don’t let them burn” pouting her lips with her eyes wide, a look she usually reserved to drag Anya and Gustus to a poetry reading, musical, or book signing.

“Yeah, yeah, go shower, you stink” Anya waved her away.

 

“Just hold it still okay, like at my eye level, I just need to see.” Clarke took the compact mirror and raised it to the position she wanted it. Murphy rolled his eyes.

“Why do you need my help, just go to the bathroom with the other girls?”

“Yeah, I tried that but O has no control over her elbows in tight spaces” she said as she put her eyeliner on, watching her reflection in the tiny mirror he was holding at an uncomfortable angle.

“I thought we were going out tonight,” he mumbled.

“We are!” Lincoln chuckled from the couch, “We’re just not going out to a bar or a club.”

“Fucking board games?” Murphy scoffed “How old are you guys?”

Clarke wasn’t sure if he was asking them if they were really old or really young, she supposed it didn’t matter it worked as an insult either way.

“You can come if you want John, no one will think lesser of you if you play a little bit of Monopoly” Clarke put the finishing touches on her makeup and admired herself in the compact. Murphy shut it abruptly.

“I fucking hate Monopoly, how the fuck do you make capitalism fun?”

“Risk. We’re playing Risk first” Lincoln corrected them.

“Whatever, I’d rather go out alone, or home, or anywhere else.” He pouted. Bellamy entered the small living room and patted Murphy on the shoulder.

“Looks like someone’s excited for the night!” Murphy slumped in the chair in the corner and took out his flask.

“Okay John, What should I wear?” Clarke held up a navy blue dress and a loose gray top “This one” She indicated the shirt “would go with those dark jeans I wore a while ago.”

“Are those Octavia’s clothes?” Bellamy asked.

“Yeah, I kinda hate everything I own right now.” Clarke looked down at the pile of clothes that were unceremoniously packed and sticking out of her bag. She had rummaged through them trying to put an outfit together that she hadn’t worn in the last week; she was getting pretty frustrated until Octavia let her look through her closet.

“Why does it matter so much? You’re going out with friends. What you have on is fine, and I think you forget, I don’t care.” Murphy crossed his arms on his chest and leaned back into the armchair.

“I can’t wear my work shirt.”

“Umm, the grey thing then, it doesn’t matter to me.”

“The grey top, definitely. The dress seems too fancy for board game night” Bellamy offered his opinion as he cracked beers handing them to his friends. Clarke sipped the beer and ran to Octavia’s bedroom to change. When she emerged Octavia was sitting was on the couch with Lincoln, Raven sat on the arm of the chair Murphy was slumped in mid rant about what sounded to Clarke like a conspiracy theory with mind control and nuclear apocalypse.

 

The group arrived at the apartment; greetings and introductions filled the small apartment with noise and laughter as everyone shook off the cold and was handed something to drink. Lexa stayed sitting at the kitchen island, eating nervously and sipping chardonnay. A toothy smile and a wave came from Clarke as she removed her winter boots and jacket.

“Bellamy, my brother is on his way, he’s just dropping off our friend Murphy; I guess he decided he didn’t want to come after all.” Octavia smiled as she gave Anya a small hug ”He’s kinda protective, he acts so much like a dad sometimes” she laughed as she grabbed a handful of chips and sat on the arm of the chair Lincoln had claimed. Clarke made her way over to the island piled high with snacks.

“Wow, do you think you’ll have enough food?” She teased as she sat next to Lexa, tossing some gummy bears into her mouth.

“You can never have too much to eat!”

The apartment filled with warmth and laughter as everyone talked and drank. When Bellamy arrived he was introduced to everyone, giving strong, military grade handshakes to Anya and Gustus. They all gathered around the table in the living room, with extra chairs that had been brought in from the kitchen. Lexa sat on the couch and crossed her legs, leaning against the arm, Clarke sat next to her, she leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees with a swagger and confidence that made Lexa’s mouth go dry, she took a long gulp of her wine. Anya sandwiched Clarke on the couch, and rubbed her hands together.

“Alright! The name of the game is Risk it’s world domination! Pride and bragging rights are on the line here people!” Anya counted the bodies around the table. “Since there are eight of us we’ll have to do teams.”

“Me and Lincoln are blue” Octavia shot her hand up like an eager elementary school student who wanted to be called on. She had moved from the arm of Lincoln’s chair to the floor between his legs as he absentmindedly played with her hair. Anya nudged Raven who sat in a chair from the kitchen next to the couch

“Wanna do this? You seem to have all the qualities of a evil mastermind, and that goes with my strategy.” Raven nodded and put her finger tips together, her eyes hardened with a comically sinister grin.

“Only if we can be red, like the blood of our enemies” the girls laughed and joined forces. Lexa looked over at Clarke eagerly, her heart jackhammering against her chest, she hadn’t felt like this since high school, when teachers would let you pick your own partners for a project. While everyone else seemed to love the opportunity, Lexa dreaded it, not being anyone’s first pick hurt, and she would often end up working alone, or stuck with someone who would make her do the whole project by herself anyway. Clarke looked at Lexa.

“I’ve got an offer for you” she lifted an eyebrow “How’d you like to take down these fuckers?”

Lexa’s eyes met Clarke, she leaned in, her smile fell, her features turned stern and serious.

“It would be an honour.”

Clarke’s lips spread into a wide grin; she opened them to speak but was interrupted by Bellamy.

“Shit, I guess everyone is taking this shit super seriously,” He pats Gustus on the arm “I guess its you and me big guy!”

Gustus stares down at him with a death glare that would send anyone running to the hills, even sitting he towered over Bellamy who was a fit five foot ten. Bellamy cowered, and Gustus threw his head back, howling with laughter, patting Bellamy on the back.

“Oh yeah, we’ll be great together hahaha, you’re a brave solider, and I can make a solider shit their pants with just a look!”

“Yeah common Bell it’s only fun if you are overly dramatic!” Octavia added between giggles.

“I wasn’t scared, I mean maybe a little but look at him!”

“Don’t worry about it” Lexa said, “Gus has got an intimidating exterior but he’s really a sweetheart!”

Gustus blushed at her words although it was difficult to see through his thick beard.

“And we all know you are too Bell,” Raven raised her glass in an impromptu toast, “even if you try to act all macho and hide it!”

“Alright if we’re finished with all this mumbo jumbo touchy feely crap can we get back to the main event!?” Anya interrupted passing out cards and playing pieces getting the game started.

 

The game went on Clarke would have Lexa blow on their dice for good luck and they would cheer and high five when it was a high roll. Clarke seemed to slide in closer to Lexa each turn, to that their thighs were touching, and bringing Lexa’s thoughts away from the game. Octavia and Lincoln played aggressively but with little strategy, placing pieces in Greece and the Philippines, her only reason for the move she said was because of her and Bellamy’s heritage. Making Anya and Raven cackle like hyenas, saying that they would put their pieces in the Indian and Latin countries, but that’s because they will have their pieces everywhere once they win. Which of course, they did. Lincoln and Octavia getting knocked out first, followed by Gustus and Bellamy, Lexa and Clarke almost broke Anya’s winning streak, but took the loss with grace, unlike the showboating champions.

“You had no strategy!” Raven hooted as Lincoln and Octavia cleaned up the board that was covered in red pieces.

“All brute force! You can only get so far with that!” Anya threw her arm over Raven’s shoulder.

“But I like brute force” Octavia said kissing Lincoln on the cheek, sprouting laughter from the group.

“Oh my god O, I think I have to shove some of these little army guys in my ears so I don’t hear about you or your sex life ever again!” Bellamy covers his face with his hands, making everyone laugh even harder. Clarke watched Lexa close her eyes with each round of laughter, throwing her whole body into the reaction. Lexa, normally so still and controlled would only truly let go in these small moments, and Clarke would draw herself closer each time. She loved the sound of her laugh, the way it danced in her ears and lingered long after the joke and laughter had finished. The way she tossed her arms, or held them in attempts for control, how she would rock back and forth, leaning into Clarke’s shoulder. Clarke had to distract herself, so she got up for a drink.

“Does anyone want anything while I’m up?” Everyone answered shouting requests and orders at her.

“Here I’ll help!” Octavia sprang up and into the kitchen with Clarke. They poured drinks and put together plates of food for the others.

“So you and Lincoln seem to be doing really well eh?” Clarke wiggled her eyebrows at Octavia.

“Yeah! It’s only been a couple days, but it’s been great!”

“I guess Raven and me will have to move out or something so you two can have more privacy.” Clarke picked up a mini eggroll and chewed on it.

“Actually Ray’s moving in with Monty and Jasper, I invited them here tonight, but Jasper wanted to stay and when he found out Maya was working, and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Monty without him, they’re probably still at the bar.” Octavia giggled.

“Raven’s living with Monty and Jasper?” Clarke put down her eggroll; she felt her chest tighten.

“Yeah, their other roommate moved out and they asked her today, she said yes right away and I she’s signing stuff tomorrow! Isn’t that awesome!?”

“Yeah it’s great for Raven” Clarke grumbled. She didn’t really want to live with Monty and Jasper, and she currently did not have the means to do so, but the jealousy washed over her. She tried to stop it, to push down the feelings but she was frustrated she had lost the opportunity. Finding a place would be that much more difficult when she was ready, and now she worried her roommate would be a creepy older man with body odour problems or something equally as uncomfortable.

“Oh god, what’s wrong?” Octavia asked her forehead wrinkled with concern.

“Nothing.” Clarke mumbled and started to walk back to the living room carrying a round of drinks. Octavia grabbed her arm making her turn around.

“Something’s wrong Clarke, and don’t lie to me, what is it?”

“Nothing O. It’s none of your business” Clarke snapped at her, far more upset than she thought she was. She put down the drinks. “Monty offered me the room, and I was sorta thinking about it. It’s not like I can afford it anyway, I just have to keep freeloading off of anyone who will let me and I’m guessing that number has dropped significantly since I’ve been doing it for fucking ever!”

“Oh my god Clarke!” Octavia said exasperated “I’m so sick of this! You think nobody cares about you or that we’ll drop you or something? You know what? Fuck you! I’ve been here for you and I don’t care how long you’ll need help I’ll still be here for you!” Octavia’s words were kind but she was furious. “I’ve been working through school to pay my bills, Bell was a janitor helping out our mum before he was old enough to enlist. We’ve never had much, but you know what? We’ve made it through, we don’t complain, we take help when we need it, and we work hard. Our mum works hard and did everything to give us opportunities in life. Your mum is a fucking doctor and you don’t even see how lucky you are! Go stay with her if you have ‘no friends to stay with!’ For fucks sake! We have our people and that’s what matters, stop feeling so sorry for yourself, your shit will work out or it won’t. Just stop fucking complaining.” Octavia finished, her eyes on fire, breathing heavily through her nose like a dragon, Clarke didn’t back down, but now a crowd had gathered. Bellamy softly touches Clarke’s shoulder, she jerked away.

“Come on Clarke, let’s go home.” His voice was steady and kind.

“I have no home.” Clarke fought the burning behind her eyes and the lump in her throat. Octavia threw up her hands and walked away, Lincoln on her heels.

“You can stay here tonight Clarke” Anya said “Bellamy, it’s probably best if you take everyone home.” He nodded and went to find his sister. Anya ushered Clarke over to the couch and sat there with her.

“Shit happens, sometimes you’ve gotta fight through it, and other times you need a little humility.” Anya said then got up, trading places with Lexa. Her hand hovered above Clarkes back, she wondered if they were close enough friends for her to comfort her. Her hand lowered with caution and control, she rubbed between Clarke’s shoulder blades. She felt her tense as she shrugged her off, it seemed as though Lexa’s touch hurt her, Lexa snatched back her hand holding it in her lap, she picked at her nails, mortified she had made the situation worse or made Clarke feel uncomfortable.

“Sorry.” Clarke said looking up at her. Lexa’s features softened and relaxed,

“You don’t ever have to apologize to me.” Lexa said softly. They sat together in silence, Clarke regretting everything that had just happened. Octavia and the rest of the group had left and Clarke officially ended board game night.


	16. The Weekend: Part 1

Clarke woke with a start, having no idea where she was for the first few moments of consciousness. Her temples throbbed and her eyes were sunken and dried having spent the night refusing to let a tear fall. Certain if she let herself cry she would never stop. The apartment was quiet, Clarke checked her phone, and it was just after eight, too early to call Octavia to apologize. She got up and paced, unsure of what to do in someone’s quiet home alone, she thought she better leave, but she worried that it would it be rude to go without a goodbye or thank you. The awkwardness cleared when she found a note left on the island the perfect script looped and curled, she admired the lettering before she read.

 

_Morning Clarke!_

_I hope you slept well. Anya and I have gone out for a run, and we should be back around 8:30. Help yourself to anything to eat; coffee and tea are in the cabinet above the toaster._

_Lexa_

 

Clarke let a smile creep over her face. She made coffee, cleaned up her sleeping area and some of the mess left from the night before. She found a granola bar to chew on as she slumped into the chair in the living room. She looked around the apartment, noticing things that she hadn’t the night before. She stood and inspected the framed pictures that scattered the small homey area. There were pictures of Gustus and Anya, and candid pictures of the three of them. There was a tall, stern looking bald man, standing next to Lexa in a cap and gown, Clarke thought he might be Lexa’s father, but she couldn’t see the resemblance. Clarke found a picture of Lexa when she was younger, she guessed around seven, smiling wide with more ice cream on her face than in the cone that was dripping over her tiny hand. She was held up by a clean shaven man, his cheek bones as high as Lexa’s are now, and pressed against young Lexa’s plump, sticky cheeks. A woman with piercing green eyes and a kind smile pressed close on the other side of Lexa, She looked like Lexa, except with laughter lines creasing her eyes and a broader nose. It was hard to tell from the closeness and angle of the photo, but it looked like a group hug; the picture was truly a happy one and it filled Clarke with a longing for her own happy childhood. The room was filled with hidden treasures, little wooden carvings, old brass clocks and other knickknacks each one with a unique story Clarke assumed. Everything in the living room seemed to match, even though it was clearly not a part of any type of set, it all belonged together. She become aware of little details like the carved designs on legs of the leather chair in the corner, not done by the chair maker, but someone had gone at it with a knife and a certain amount of patience etching rough swirls and animal designs into the wood stumps. The table in the middle of the room that wasn’t a table but a trunk with a thick dulled copper lock covered in scrapes around the keyhole, looking like someone had attempted to break in multiple times. She noticed the bookshelf, yes she had spotted that it was there the night before, but failed to take in what filled the shelves. There were old textbooks, and a few first edition manifests and biographies of people with name’s Clarke didn’t recognise. Above that were Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and other fantasy genre collections, the pages brown and worn like they had been read a million times. There was what looked to Clarke like the entire works of Kenneth Oppel, Stephen King, Laini Taylor, and Neil Gaiman, littered throughout with authors and books she was less familiar with, she read the jackets and fought the urge to read them cover to cover, fearing she would look too comfortable making her self at home in what she still thought of as a strangers house. On another shelf there were children’s books Dr. Suess, Roald Dahl, and Oliver Jeffers and more. There were reference books, an atlas, travel books, and books about Buckingham Palace, Machu Picchu, and the Sistine Chapel, Clarke wondered if these were souvenirs, or proof of longing to one day witness first hand the wonders of the world. The top shelf seemed to overflow with comics. Wonder Woman, The Walking Dead, Fun Home, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and some Clarke had never heard of before. There were succulent plants and little figurines that lived on the shelves bringing even more life to the books. Clarke took a graphic novel from the shelf ‘How to Talk to Girls at Parties’ she let out a breath of laughter at the name and flipped through admiring the artwork. The door clicked and Lexa and Anya walked in. ‘Shit’ thought Clarke sliding the comic back into it’s home on the shelf, hoping she wasn’t caught snooping.

“Hey!” Lexa greeted her with a smile, her cheeks pink from the mix of cold air and the heat of her run, “You’ve found my comics, do you collect too!?” Clarke shook her head,

“I used to, I had to get rid of most of them when my mum moved out of our house to an apartment.” She gave a shrug and took a sip of her coffee that had cooled significantly. “Downsizing.”

“You’re welcome to borrow them anytime you like” Lexa moved to the kitchen, and poured herself a cup of coffee.

“Thanks” Clarke gave a ghost of a smile. “And thank you for letting me stay last night, I don’t know what happened there, too much to drink I guess, sorry for ruining your party.” Clarke was embarrassed about her actions the night before, she knew it was childish, and she hated herself for letting it happen with an audience.

“You didn’t ruin anything,” Lexa said “And you can stay here anytime you want”

Clarke gave a sheepish smile and sat at the kitchen’s island.

“What are friends for!?” Anya said clapping Clarke on the back. Something warmed Clarke from her chest into her stomach, like when you have cold water on a hot day and you can feel the cool trail trickle down your throat and dispersing into the rest of your body. She had only met these girls a handful of times, she didn’t even remember talking to Anya much before last night, but they welcomed her without hesitation, they asked for nothing in return, they really were friends, and it happened without her realising.

“Have you eaten?” Anya asked.

“I had a granola bar”

“That’s not breakfast!” said Lexa pulling out a pan and cutting board. “What do you like in you omelette?”

“You really don’t-“ Clarke started but was cut off by Anya “You really don’t have a choice.”

“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day!” Lexa said from behind the refrigerator door, with an arm full of vegetables, eggs and cheese.

“Alright,” Clarke smiled as she gave in “I’m easy, I’ll have whatever you’re having” Lexa smiled and started rinsing the produce.

“Have you spoken to Octavia?” Anya asked.

“Not yet, I thought I’d wait until she was awake, I know she likes to sleep in, I don’t want to bug her too early in the morning.” Clarke looked down as she spoke, avoiding the green eyes that watched her every move.

“Don’t avoid it for too long, don’t give yourself too many excuses,” Lexa spoke softly as she sliced mushrooms. “You don’t want to regret it, and these things won’t just go away or fix themselves” Lexa’s voice was now almost a whisper, as if she was speaking to herself.

“And you and Octavia are good friends. It’s obvious she loves you.” Anya said. “Call her after we eat, she should be awake by then.” Clarke nodded, knowing that the advice was good. Octavia had been there with her through the rough patch Clarke had been in it had only made their friendship stronger. She owed a lot to Octavia, and that’s what made her so uncomfortable. She hated relying on other people so much, to the point where she’ll push them away so that they no longer want to help. Clarke was taught to be proud and not to depend on others. She was trying to force herself to unlearn these values, but it had been a painful process. With Clarke’s frustration and everything finally boiling over, She knew Octavia has a short temper, and she pushed Octavia to the edge, again. Clarke knew she couldn’t keep it up unless she wanted to throw her right off. They ate their omelettes happily talking about books and the seemingly never-ending winter, Anya finding as many times as possible in the conversation to bring up who exactly won the game of Risk the night before.

“I said bragging rights were on the line, and I’m not about to squander my winnings, I earned it!” Clarke and Lexa rolled their eyes and giggled at the self proclaimed ‘World’s Greatest Risk Player’. When they were finished Clarke picked up her phone and called Octavia. She felt he mouth go dry and she started pacing the living room as the phone rang. Questions of what ifs bounced around Clarke’s head, making her hangover that much worse. What if she hates me? What if she doesn’t pick up? What if she’s done with me and never speaks to my ungrateful ass again? What if – “Hello?” the groggy voice on the other end of the phone made Clarke let out a breath of relief.

“O! Hey, I’m so sorry about last night, I’m an ass I don’t know what I was thinking, you’ve been nothing but good to me, and I’m- I’m… I’m sorry, you deserve better.” Clarke spoke so quickly, trying to verbalize her remorse, and how shitty she knew she had been, not just last night but many nights throughout their time as roommates.

“Shit, man, it’s okay. I mean you’ve gotta fix that, but I know you’re sorry. Alcohol was involved, things got a bit heated, this stuff happens. I may have overreacted, I shouldn’t have yelled like I did. I’m sorry too. Did you have to call so early?” Clarke could imagine what Octavia looked like on the other side of the phone, hair wild, her eyes still closed, burying herself deeper into the tangled sheets, probably stealing them from Lincoln, shielding her sleep crusted eyes from the light streaming in through the crack in her curtains. She laughed.

“It’s almost ten”

“Yeah, fucking early for a Saturday” Octavia paused and the line was silent for a moment. “I’m sorry for how things went about last night, but I meant it, you’ve gotta pull yourself out of whatever’s happening, this isn’t you.”

“I know” Clarke barely whispered, unsure if Octavia could hear it over the phone.

“And you don’t have to talk to your mum or whatever, I know you guys have a weird relationship, I don’t know maybe that’s more of a reason to call her, but I don’t want to tell you how to handle that. But you should call Raven, she thinks our little squabble last night was her fault.”

“Okay can you pass the phone to her?”

“No” said Octavia flatly. “Like she’s not here, she didn’t sleep on the couch last night.”

“Oh, where’d she go? Does she have stuff at Jasper and Monty’s yet?”

“No. Not exactly. Anyways, you call her, I’ll see you at work, I’ll bring your bag so you can change.”

“Thanks O. You’re the best”

“I know” Clarke could feel her smile through the phone, she felt lucky for having such amazing friends. “See ya Clarke, Love ya.”

“You too.” The phone clicked and went silent. And Clarke dialled Raven. The phone rang twice before it was answered.

“Hello?” The deep male voice startled Clarke.

“Oh, hi, uhhh, Bellamy? Did I call the wrong number?”

“Hi Clarke, ummm no, Raven’s just in the shower.” There was a long pause.

“I guess I’ll apologize to you too then. I was frustrated last night and I took it out on you guys, you don’t deserve that. I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you. We all have demons. Just gotta kill ‘em right?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Clarke let out a little chuckle followed by a long pause. “So… uhhh, how’s Raven?”

“Goodbye Clarke.” He hung up as Clarke laughed into the phone.

“What happened?” Lexa said as she looked up from her book.

“Raven and Bellamy!” She snorted, trying to calm her laughter.

“That came from outta nowhere didn’t it?” Anya asked from the couch, the TV playing softly in the background. Clarke thought Anya sounded a bit jealous but it was hard to tell her expression gave nothing away.

“Umm, I don’t know, I think they knew each other before I met either of them, but who’s to say. Plus they’re both hot, so there’s that!” Clarke looked very pleased at herself and the new information as she sat on the couch.

“So what are we watching?”

“Nothing. I mean, here you take the remote, I’m having a shower” Anya tossed the remote into Clarke’s lap, she was a bit angrier and more closed off than she was at breakfast. She looked at Lexa for answers as Anya walked the bathroom, Lexa simply shrugged in response.

“What do you wanna watch?” Clarke asked as she flipped through the channels, leaving what Clarke thought looked like a bad Star Trek knock off to the Discovery Channel the calming British voiceover spewing facts about the ocean. Lexa shrugged as they watched the screen.

“What do you think is more mind blowing” asked Lexa after a while, closing her book and turning towards Clarke. “Space, or the Ocean?”

“Umm space I guess. Like the Universe is constantly expanding, we have no idea of the possibilities of what we could find out there.” Clarke smiled, happy with her answer, but even more excited to hear Lexa’s opinion.

“They’re both pretty crazy.” Lexa started “But the ocean, I mean it takes up, what 70-80% of earth, and we’ve only explored like less than 5% of it! It’s insane, we don’t even know how deep it goes, we assume it’s the Mariana’s Trench, but we don’t know for sure because humans can’t survive the intense pressure! There could be so many undiscovered species on earth that we just haven’t found yet because it chills out in the dark zone, which is most of the freaking ocean! We didn’t even know that Colossal Squid existed until one washed up dead and those things are huge! So how long do they live? Or the more terrifying question: _how the fuck did it die?!_ ”

“That is insane” Clarke agreed “But space I mean there are about one hundred billion stars in the Milky Way Galaxy alone, maybe more, probably more. Even if there is a 0.0001% chance that a star has planets orbiting, and even if there is a 0.0001% chance that one of those floating rocks has life on it, that still means that there is a chance for other planets having life, and that’s just in our Galaxy alone! There are over one hundred billion galaxies in the observable universe! There’s no mathematical way that we are alone, weather it be micro organisms somewhere, or intelligent life forms somewhere in a galaxy far far away!”

The two went on sharing different facts and theories about the universe and the ocean, getting more excited with each new thing learned. Lexa brought out a thick book off of her shelf and they sat flipping through pictures of deep-sea creatures, each one more bazaar than the last. Anya left the apartment calling them both nerds, but they barely noticed too engaged in their conversation to care.

 

Clarke let herself be consumed by the conversation and the calmness that accompanied. She was surprised when she looked at the clock on her phone that it was almost time for her to go to work.

“Shit, I’m gonna be late.” She grumbled as she jumped up to put on her jacket.

“I’ll drive you.” Lexa offered as she grabbed her keys and slipped on her boots.

“Thank you so much, I owe you, for last night, letting me stay here, everything.” She touched Lexa’s arm above her elbow, getting her attention, Lexa could feel the warmth of her hand through her jacket.

“Don’t worry about it.” She smiled and held the door for Clarke.

 

 

“You’re late princess” Octavia smiles as she hands Clarke her bag.

“A Queen is never late; everyone else is simply early.”

“Right.” Octavia says drawing out the vowel. “That’s why I said princess.”

“Yeah, I’ve given myself a promotion.”

“If you get to be a Queen than I’m a Goddess” Octavia says smugly.

“No arguments here!” Lincoln joins in the conversation kissing Octavia’s cheek. “You are my Goddess and I worship you.” He brings her into his arms. “I worship your hands,” he brought up her hands and kissed her knuckles, “I worship your mind,” he kissed her forehead, “your smile,” he kissed her lips. Clarke turned away from the display of affection and watched Lexa studying the floor. Clarke looked at her hands, forehead, and lips.

“I gotta go change.” Clarke mumbled as she left to the washroom, pushing her thoughts to the back of her mind. As she leaves the bathroom in her uniform she’s greeted by a grinning Octavia.

“Fuck. You scared me.” Clarke jumps, “you look like you a crazed murderer, what’s up?”

“Nohtin’, just happy.” Clarke gives her a side eye as they walk behind the bar.

“Can you find somewhere else to stay tonight? I know it’s bad timing with last night and everything, but Lincoln offered to make me dinner tonight, and I wouldn’t mind the privacy. Just tonight, it has nothing to do with you, I promise.” Octavia said in a single breath.

“Of course! I’m glad you and Linc are doing so well, and you should have some alone time. I’ll find somewhere to sleep tonight.” Clarke smiled.

“You can stay with at my place again if you want.” Clarke didn’t realise Lexa was listening into the conversation; her smile grew at the offer.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to put you out or anything.”

Lexa shook her head “It’s no trouble at all, it’d be my pleasure.” Lexa smiled, “What time do you get off?” Octavia and Clarke giggled as Lexa turned a fire truck red.

“I get off work at seven tonight.” Clarke said.

“Okay, I’ll come pick you up then.” Lexa said as her colour returned to its regular shade.

“You’re not going to stay for a drink?” Octavia asked.

“Yeah, I’ll buy you lunch it’s the least I can do.” Clarke added.

“Oh no, thank you. I’ve have a few things I need to do today, but I’ll see you tonight, we can drink then.” Lexa smiled and waved as she left the bar.

“So did anything happen between you guys last night?” Octavia asked, looking from Clarke to the empty space Lexa had left.

“Oh yeah, I want to know all the dirty details!” Raven chimed in coming from a table where Monty and Jasper and sat.

“I didn’t know you were here Raven” Clarke said.

“Let’s not get off topic.” Octavia elbowed Clarke’s ribs.

“Nothing happened. They were nice enough to let me sleep on their couch and they made me breakfast this morning before I called you guys.”

“But last night you and Lexa seemed so…” Raven raised her eyebrows at Clarke in lieu of a word.

“You and Bellamy seemed… *raised eyebrows*… When I called this morning.” Clarke teased. Octavia groaned and left the conversation. Raven blushed and shrugged her shoulders she didn’t seem phased by the teasing and certainly not embarrassed enough to defend her sexual encounters.

“Why’d you call anyway?”

Clarke took a breath “I should apologize for last night. If I made you feel uncomfortable or anything, I’m really sorry, I just got caught up in my own thing, and I was frustrated and I took it out on people who care about me. I’m sorry.”

“Wow, how long have you been practicing that one Clarke?” Raven smile was reassuring, “I didn’t mean to get in the middle of what’s going on with you…”

“You didn’t I-“

“Let me finish.” Raven said holding up her hand, “Life is hard Clarke, just because it’s not working out for you now doesn’t mean it never will. Everyone feels lost and confused especially in this time in your life. Transition and change are hard to deal with. But we all have battle scars. Suck it up and build a brace for yours.” There was a long pause, Raven kept her gaze on Clarke, but Clarke broke the eye contact and stared at her hands.

“Told ya Clarke our company is a precious commodity!” Jasper interjects, throwing his arm over Raven’s shoulder. “Oh, shit did I interrupt a moment or something over here?”

“It’s nothing. I knew I’d mess up my opportunity you guys,” Clarke forced a smile as she looked up at Jasper’s goofy grin.

“You’re always welcome on our couch.” Monty joined his friends leaning on Jaspers shoulder. Clarke smiled and thanked them as they sat down at their table.

“I don’t know why they don’t just share a bed and then the four of us could live together.” Raven looks back at the two guys at the table who were trying to balance spoons on their noses.

“Now don’t you push them – they’ve gotta work that out for themselves.” Clarke said and the girls shared a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “A Queen is never late; everyone else is simply early.” : The Princess Diaries
> 
> Lincoln 'worshiping' Octavia is a nod to Neil Gaiman's American Gods, which I've just started to read.
> 
> “Now don’t you push them – they’ve gotta work that out for themselves.” : From The Simpsons S16E10 regarding Lenny and Carl.


	17. The Weekend: Part 2

Lexa signed the sheet on the clipboard and handed it back to the nurse.

“She’s been doing really well this week, she’s had a few visitors, but I know she’s always excited to see you.”

“Thanks Rita.” Lexa smiled up at the plump woman in blue floral scrubs, “How are your kids?”

“Oh you know them, as busy as ever. I can’t believe Jenny is finishing her first year of University.”

“Time flies.” Lexa made down the beige hallway of the nursing home, the walls decorated with framed landscapes that somehow did nothing to brighten up the area. The building had the distinct smell a mixture of urine, industrial cleaner, and chicken gravy. Lexa did her best to breathe through her mouth. She reached a room and knocked lightly before entering. She smiled at the woman who looked just like her sitting in a wheelchair watching reruns of ‘Ellen’.

“Hey mum, how’s it going?” She leans in to hug her.

“I’m great honey! It’s so good to see you, it’s been so long!”

“What are you talking about? I come every week.”

“Oh, time moves differently here I guess.”

Lexa looks down at her feet, ashamed that she had to resort to putting her mother in a nursing home. She could no longer afford personal care workers and her job took her away from her home too often to take care of her herself.

“I’m sorry.” She whispers.

“Oh dear god, don’t be, we both knew that this was inevitable. Plus I clean up on poker night!” Her mother joked, Lexa laughed but the guilt over the situation ate her from the inside.

“Do you want to go out for a coffee or something? It’s pretty nice out, and only a bit of slush.” Lexa said trying to change from the sensitive subject.

“I’d love that.” The older woman’s green eyes blazed, as she looked at her daughter like she hung the moon. Lexa helped dress her mother in her coat and hat and they made their way out of the home.

“See you later Jill. Bye Lexa!” Rita waved from behind her reception desk.

 

They walked down the street through a small dog park to a little café that they frequent. Their noses red from the brisk air but the sun strong enough to remind them that winter was almost over. A tall man with horn rimmed glasses held the door as they enter the heated space of the café. They ordered cappuccinos and sat by the window so they could watch the dogs and people who went to visit the park.

“So did you hear about the sex scandal in the City Council office?” Lexa had brought her mug to her lips but dropped it at her mother’s words.

“Yeah, Anya told me about it.”

“You should run.” Jill said taking a sip of her coffee.

“That’s what Anya said.”

“Good, I told her to tell you about it. Are you going to run?”

Lexa looked at her mother, her head tilted to the side. “How often do you guys talk?”

Jill shrugged. “Once a month or so, she fills me in on what goes on in you life.”

“Don’t I do that when we hang out?”

“Yeah, but she’s better at the gossip, I’m not sure you’d tell me if you were dating anyone.”

“I’m not.”

“You should, you were happy with Costia, what happened there?”

“Nothing. It just didn’t work out, okay?”

“Okay.” Jill held up her hands in defense “I just want you to be happy.”

“I’m fine.” Lexa slumped in her chair.

“I hate the word fine. It means nothing, and it’s usually a lie.”

“I’m doing really… good, mum. Work is good, I am going to run for City Council, Gustus is going to be my campaign manager.” Lexa broke eye contact with her mother and looked out the window at a small child bundled in winter clothing so thick that he would fall as he chased after a black Lab.

“You’ve always done well with work. You’re focused and driven. I just don’t want you to miss out on the other parts of life that make it worth while.” Her mother had the look of concern that all mothers carry. Lexa studied the lines on her forehead; she knew she was responsible for more than a few of them.

“Anya and I had a board game night last night with some new friends, one of them stayed over and she’s coming over again tonight.” Lexa smiled as she watched the concern look fade into excitement.

“Oh that’s great! What’s her name? What’s she like?”

“Her name is Clarke. She’s great. She’s smart, funny, strong, an artist…” Lexa fell into her thoughts her eyes grew brighter and a smile stretched across her face as her mother observed.

“Is she… _more_ than a friend?”

Lexa snapped out of her daydream. “Wh-what? Why… what gave you that idea?” Lexa stumbled over her words. She took a sip of her cappuccino to avoid her mother’s eye.

“You just lit up when you talked about this girl, that’s all. And you had a group of people over and only one girl who spent the night?” Jill took a sip of her coffee, “but it’s none of my business I suppose.”

“No, well, she was the only one who stayed over, but that’s because she doesn’t have her own place. She’s couch surfing. I’m just trying to be a good friend.” Lexa picked at the skin around her nails until she caught her mother’s look, telling her to stop without words.

“I’ve never heard you talk about your friends with such enthusiasm.” She teased her daughter.

“I’m having dinner with Titus Monday.” Lexa changed the subject her mother laughed into her drink.

“How is the old stiff?”

“Doesn’t he come to visit you?”

“He does ever so often. We never have much to talk about these days anyway.”

“He seems okay. It’s hard to tell you know?” Jill nodded in response and looked out the window. “I heard from Ontari.” Lexa continued, not enjoying the silence.

“Oh, she answered your letter?”

“Facebook message, but yeah. She’s living with Nia and Roan in the big house in the north end.”

“And?”

“And what? You told me to get in contact with her and I did. I know she’s alive; she’s living in the city with her mum and brother. She’s in the military like dad. I don’t know; we don’t have much in common.”

“She’s your sister.”

“Half sister.” Lexa corrected her mother, receiving a stern look in response.

“Family is family. You should go meet her, it’s been years, and you two used to be so close.”

“When we were like, eight. Then dad died and I never heard from her again.”

Her mother’s brow furrowed “You shouldn’t bottle your emotions honey.” Lexa thought a lot of bottling up emotions. If you did it for long enough, she suspected, pretty soon you wouldn’t feel anything at all. “It’s fine for now. We’ll talk about it another time.” Jill finished. Lexa shuffled in her seat as her mother spoke. She didn’t want to see her half sister, and doubted she ever would.

 

The mother and daughter enjoyed each other’s company and chatted about this and that while taking a walk through the park. When the chill in the air became uncomfortable they returned to the nursing home to play cards and watch television in Jill’s room. Around six Lexa left her mother in her room and signed out with Rita. Leaving was always hard for her. She knew her mum had a lot of friends who would come and visit, but that never stopped her from worrying about her getting lonely or neglected.

“See you next week!” Rita chirped. Lexa waved as she left. She walked to her car and her phone started buzzing. She smiled when it was her mother’s number that showed on the screen.

“Hello”

“Lexa! Have you left yet?”

“Hey mum, no. Did I forget something?”

“No, I was thinking about your new friend Clarke. You said she was an artist. I have some of my old supplies that aren’t doing me any good; you should give them to her!” Lexa stood with her key in her car door.

“Ummm okay. Are you sure?”

“It’s been years since I’ve drawn anything good. And the last time you made me try I could barely hold the pen. It’s just too, too… what’s the word?”

“Frustrating?” Lexa offered

“Yeah.” Jill sounded a bit defeated, but chuckled at herself, happy her daughter could fill in the blank. A routine they had mastered through years of practice.

“Okay, I’ll be right there. Thank you.” She hung up her phone and went back inside.

Lexa kissed her mother goodbye with her arms full of paints and brushes, canvas, pastels and fine tipped sketching pens.

“Love you.”

“Love you too honey; be good.” Lexa smiled at her mother as she left for a second time.

“Always am.”


	18. The Weekend: Part 3

Clarke watched the clock as it slowly changed to six thirty. Just a half an hour to go. She had had the countdown going since noon, when it was just an hour into her shift. It was busy, and kept getting busier, but time seemed to stand still. She did not envy the next shift that went so late into the night.

“Fucking Finn.” Octavia grumbled as she tipped a glass and pulled the tap. “He better not be coming back, how fucking dare he leave us out to dry like this. Short staffed. Fuck!”

“I’m with ya, I just wanted to wash some dishes, and now I’ve gotta make small talk with drunk yuppies and hipsters.” Murphy pointed to Jasper who approached the bar. “Like this fucker.”

“Hey, when’s Maya getting here?” Murphy walked away as Jasper leaned over the bar.

“She’s here seven until we close at three, Romeo.” Octavia pushed him off the bar and he fell onto a stool.

“Fuck, I thought she’d be here for the early shift. I’ve been here all day.”

“We know.” Clarke laughed and left with a tray of drinks.

 

The day had been nice but was cooling off significantly as the sun prepared to set and a chill came into the bar as the door swung open. A girl in a thick winter coat, black leather gloves, a hat and scarf stumbled into the bar.

“Lexa hey!” Clarke approached her, her tray still full with drinks. “Can I get you anything?”

Lexa began removing her layers of clothing. “A beer. Anything local. Thanks” she smiled at the blonde and went to sit at the bar. Clarke rushed around the room delivering drinks and taking more orders. She was able to take a moment after she put a cold bottle on the bar in front of Lexa.

“How was your day?” Clarke asked as she watched Lexa take a long drink.

“I should ask you the same. It’s pretty busy here.”

“Twelve minutes left!” Clarke was excited to leave work and was having a difficult time hiding her emotions. Lexa offered Clarke a drink of her beer she reaches for it and their hands meet. A shock goes from her fingertips to her brainstem Clarke jerks her hand away and the bottle falls and spills over the counter.

“Fuck. Sorry. Fuck.” Clarke grabs a cloth and cleans the spill. “I’ll get you another one.”

“Don’t worry about it, it was an accident.” Lexa put a reassuring hand over Clarke’s. Clarke looked down, she felt her insides scream. She didn’t know how to react. Her body was bubbling again, which never was a good sign. She looked from their hands up to Lexa’s eyes that were soft and kind, shimmering flecks of gold in the green oasis, her lips plump and inviting. Clarke turned and took another bottle from the fridge putting it in front of Lexa before she moved away at almost a run.

“I gotta go settle some tables.” Clarke left before Lexa could say anything.

 

‘What was _that_?’ Lexa thought as she put her forehead on the bar hiding her face with her folded arms. ‘Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.’ She couldn’t drown out her mother’s words ‘ _more than a friend_ ’. She didn’t want to ruin her new friendship with whatever _that_ was. Flirting? Barely. Their hands met and she felt warm and cold, excited and terrified. 'How could she have all of these conflicting feelings?' She thought, trying to put them all back in that bottle, having no luck, they were everywhere, just like the beer she had dropped. She sat with her head on the sticky wooden bar, lifting it ever so slightly only to take a drink. ‘Get it together Woods!’ Anya’s voice played in her head. ‘It’s only awkward if you make it awkward. Now sit up and act like a fully functional human being’ she listened to her imaginary life coach Anya, and sat up. She looked around the bar, it was pretty busy, and Clarke was working hard. In the corner she saw Raven and thought she’d say hello, a nice distraction from the spilling bottles and since they were both sitting alone she hopped off the stool leaving her jacket and other clothing behind, but bringing her beer, she walked closer to where Raven was sitting. She stopped abruptly when the rest of her table came into view. Anya was sitting with her arm stretched out behind Raven; she leaned in and laughed at whatever Raven had just said. Lexa had seen Anya on dates before, she would usually interrupt to tease her a bit, but it didn’t seem appropriate this time. First of all Lexa would always know about Anya’s suitors, every little detail before the first date. Secondly, Anya looked happy and she didn’t want to get in the middle of it, not yet. She made her way back to the bar and finished her beer. A tap on her shoulder got her attention and she spun around in her seat.

“I’m ready when you are.” Clarke grins wide it’s contagious and she mirrors her smile.

“Do you wanna stay for a drink or anything?”

“Nope. Not today, I’m sick of this place, today lasted too long.” Clarke said, eager to leave.

“Okay sounds good, I just need to pay for my drink.” Lexa reaches for her wallet but Clarke stops her with a light brush on her wrist.

“It’s already taken care of.”

“Thank you.” Lexa gets up and they walk towards the exit.

“Don’t mention it, it’s the least I can do.” Clarke smiles at her and leans her shoulder into hers in a playful nudge.

 

“So you never answered my question” Clarke says as they get into the car.

“What question?” Lexa asked confused.

“How was your day?”

“I already answered that.”

“No you didn’t. You deflected and asked me how my day was.” Clarke raised her eyebrows in a ‘matter of fact’ manner.

“You didn’t answer either, if I recall Miss. Twelve minutes left.” Lexa glanced over and smirked.

“I asked you first.”

“Very mature.” Lexa nodded and smiled. Clarke smiles and plays with the radio flipping through the stations.

“I guess we’ve got ourselves a good old fashioned stand off,” Clarkes leaned back as she settled on something to listen to she started to mouth the words and bouncing her head to the music. Lexa turned up the volume and started singing along loudly and off key. Clarke looked over at her in awe and speechless, she joined in singing at the top of her lungs. The girls sang along together and laughed until they pulled into the apartment.

“What do you want to do tonight?” Lexa asked.

“Ummm, I’m not sure, I’m thinking something low key, wine and Netflix? I got a bottle from work.”

“Sounds good to me.” Lexa smiled as she unlocked her front door and let Clarke in, “We can order a pizza or something.”

“Fuck yeah, sounds perfect.” Clarke said slumping down on the couch.

Lexa went to the hallway closet and pulled out several blankets and pillows and tossed them at Clarke on the couch. “Oh my god, let’s make a fort!” Clarke said jumping up excitedly as she holds a blanket.

“I can’t remember the last time I did that!” Lexa pulls out more blankets and pillows and tosses them towards Clarke. They ordered the pizza, turned on some music and got to work, they lined the floor with pillows and used chairs, string, hockey sticks, and brooms as scaffolding, adding a string of fairy lights for decoration. After the better part of an hour’s work they stepped back and admired their creation.

“Well done Woods. For someone who hasn’t done it in a while, you have very impressive fort making skills.”

“Thank you, but I can’t take all the credit, you helped a little.” Lexa smirked

“We should get into our jammies, it’s not a proper fort without PJ’s.”

Clarke went into the bathroom and changed into her boxers and oversized Polis Marathon Volunteer t-shirt, tying her hair into a messy bun. When Lexa emerged from her bedroom Clarke snorted into her wine glass. She was in a gray onesie, the stomach area was white and the back has a stripped tail design painted, her hood had ears and a snout, when she had it up she looked like a giant raccoon.

“Wow, that’s adorable.” Clarke walked closer to the blushing Lexa and passed her a glass of wine. They toasted their blanket fort and opened the second bottle of the pinot Clarke got from Marcus. They left the half eaten pizza on the counter, and brought some of the candy and chips from the night before into the fort. Inside they wrapped themselves in blankets and snuggled into the cushions on the floor and turned on ‘Rent’.

“I fucking love musicals.” Lexa murmurs as she drapes a small ratty blanket around her neck pulling the well loved satin edge through her fingers.

“Me too,” Clarke agrees, she takes a sip of her wine and glances over to Lexa. “What are you doing?”

“Hmmm? Oh, ummm… well this is Blankie. Blankie meet Clarke.” Lexa smiles at Clarke’s confused expression. “She’s my baby blanket. I guess I never really grew out of her.”

“She?”

“Yeah, it’d be weird if I was a small child sleeping with some dude.”

“Yeah, that’s what would make it weird.” Clarke teased as she nudged Lexa.

“Blankie doesn’t meet a lot of people, so you should feel special.” Lexa stroked the blanket, comforting it so it wouldn’t be offended by Clarke’s remarks.

“I’m sorry.” Clarke held out her hand and took the corner of the tattered blanket “Nice to meet you Blankie.” she shook it like a formal greeting. Clarke smiled at Lexa; she found the whole situation very cute and endearing. Clarke was comfortable with Lexa in their little bubble of blanket protection. The fact that Lexa didn’t seem quite so intimidating put her further at ease, Lexa was a year older than Clarke and acting like a big kid. She had a great job and responsibilities, but Clarke found comfort in the knowledge that to be a responsible adult you didn’t necessarily have to let go of the child-like wonder and excitement. Clarke’s day had been filled with apologies and people telling her what to do, but at this moment she didn’t feel obligated to do or say anything, she could just relax and be, she could enjoy the movie in the comfortable space they created together.

 

“Oooh this is my favorite song” Lexa hit Clarkes arm rapidly; making sure the screen had her full attention as the beginning chords introduced the song.

_“What’d you forget?”_ Clarke sang for Roger and looked towards Lexa who happily accepted the challenge.

_“Got a light?”_ Lexa took over Mimi’s part.

_“I know you, you’re shivering.”_

_“It’s nothing they turned of my heat, and I’m just a little weak on my feet. Would you light my candle?”_

They laughed as they sang along, serenading each other.

_“Oh the wax it’s-“_

_“Dripping.”_

_“I like it between my-“_

_“Fingers, I figured. Oh well, goodnight.”_

 

They sing and dance with dramatic gestures. Lexa is impressed that Clarke knows all of the words, just like her. Lexa leaned forward sensually her raccoon butt in the air.

_“They say that I’ve got the best ass, below 14 th street, is it true?”_

Clarke couldn’t contain herself any longer and rolled on the floor, hooting with laughter.

“What you don’t think I have a nice ass?” Lexa sat up and looked slightly disappointed, but with a smile on her face.

“Oh no, I mean you do.” Clarke smiled as she contained her laughter, “It’s just the raccoon get up, it’s so cute that it’s hilarious, the little painted stripy tail and the bandit mask, showing me its ass!”

Lexa smiled she enjoyed being called cute. “I guess no more sing alongs then huh?” Lexa crossed her arms on her chest and fell back into the cushions.

“No, it’s fun. I promise I wont laugh at your raccoon ass anymore, you do have the best ass below Fourteenth Street, I guess I’m a furry.”

They smile and return to the movie. They sing along, laugh, and chat over the film. Before ‘La Vie Boheme’ begins Clarke hits Lexa’s arm repeatedly, copying Lexa’s actions from earlier.

“Oooh this is my favorite song!” After they sing along to the fast paced song Clarke leans against Lexa’s shoulder. “I should move to New York and be a miserable artist like these guys.”

“Don’t do that, you can be a miserable artist anywhere.” she rested her head on top of Clarkes and stayed there for a moment without thinking twirling blonde locks around her finger. She sat up suddenly, “That reminds me I’ve got a present for you.”

“Oh, what? You really don’t have to do that.” Clarke lifts her head from Lexa’s shoulder.

“I know, but it’s nothing.” Lexa crawls through the blanket door and returns moments later with a grocery bag that’s scotched taped closed, she hands it to Clarke. Clarke’s eyes are wide with disbelief as she searches Lexa’s face for an explanation for the gift.

“I went to visit my mum today, it’s just some stuff that she doesn’t use anymore. It’s no big deal.” Lexa avoids Clarkes gaze by glancing to the television and the floor.

“Thank you.” Clarke says Lexa looks up and gives her a sheepish grin and shrugs. She watches Clarke’s steady fingers carefully remove the tape; Lexa doesn’t realize she’s holding her breath, invested in the girl’s reaction to the present. She watches Clarke’s expression change as she uncovers the bag’s contents. Clarke gasps as she pulls out the old and used art supplies studying each brush and pencil.

“Wow, oh my god, this is some nice stuff. Why doesn’t your mum use it?”

Lexa fidgets and hesitates, watching Clarke sort through the art supplies.

“She, uhhh, she has MS.” She said quietly. Clarke looked at Lexa; she was looking down and picking at her nails. Clarke reached out and rested her hand on Lexa’s. “Yeah, um, she used to be a really talented artist. She painted and drew great little cartoons; she made cards for my birthday and basically any other occasion. She used to make these great candles that filled the house with the best smells…” Lexa trailed off, Clarke said nothing, but kept her hand on Lexa’s to offer any sort of support or comfort that she could, watching her as Lexa continued to look down. Lexa took a breath and looked into Clarke’s eyes, her words came easier. “She’s been in a chair for almost ten years now. She’s had a few rough patches, been in and out of the hospital. She’s almost died a couple times.” Clarke squeezes her hand gently. “She’s the most positive person ever, even after everything she’s been through. She’s so smart, and funny, and kind. She’s my best friend.” Lexa swallows and closes her eyes when she feels tears threaten to show themselves.” It’s just hard to see such a strong, beautiful woman be put through such torture; to watch her body betray her.”

“I bet.” Clarke says, her voice low and soothing, “she sounds amazing, thank you for sharing this with me. And thank your mum for her awesome stuff, are you sure you want _me_ to have it?”

“I’m sure.” Lexa nodded. Clarke leaned forward and hugged Lexa, they held onto each other for a long time. The movie played in the background. When they released each other Clarke tenderly wiped the single tear that had fallen to Lexa’s cheek. They resituated themselves moving pillows and blankets closer. Clarke leaned against a cushion that was propped up against the base of the couch, she held Lexa as she satin the space between her legs leaning against her chest as they watched the movie together; Lexa listening more to Clarke’s steady breathing and heartbeat than ‘Take Me or Leave Me’ (another one of her favorites.)

 

Anya burst through the apartment door unceremoniously and with all of the grace of a rampaging bull.

“Da fuck is this?”

Lexa and Clarke poke their heads out of the fort’s entrance.

“It’s our fort.” Clarke said.

“Yeah, you need the password to enter.” Lexa smile was the only part of her face fully visible from under the raccoon hood. Anya hangs up her coat and grabs a slice of pizza from the box on the counter.

“Naah, I’m good, I don’t want to enter your sex palace.”

Clarke’s jaw dropped. “We’re not- what… no…” her face was red and she was clearly flustered, Anya puffed her chest with pride.

“What if we let you bring Raven in here?” Lexa teased causing Anya to deflate and Clarke to “OOoooo000Hhh” in the background egging Lexa on.

“Shut up, we’re just friends.” Anya blushed as she poured ranch dressing onto her cold slice.

“That’s not what it looked like today at the Ark.” Lexa was becoming more and more pleased with herself.

“What did you see?” Anya lurched forward ready to attack.

“Nothing. You were just looking a little bit more than friendly, that’s all. And I’d like to be filled in please. You know how I like staying in the loop.” A smug grin plastered across her face. Anya stepped towards the fort and pushed over one of the more vital hockey sticks, causing most of the structure to collapse in on itself.

“I guess it’s a touchy subject.” Clarke said to Lexa and they laughed together.

“It’s not. We’re friends. Raven isn’t looking for anything serious, we were just talking about our exes and our lives and stuff.” Anya put a cushion back on the couch and sat down chewing on her pizza crust.

“Do you like her?” Lexa asked sitting next to her on the couch.

“Doesn’t matter.” Anya mumbled.

“Why not?” Clarke asked sitting on the collapsed fort and looking up at the girls.

“If I’m not what she wants, and if she doesn’t like me like that, then trying to make her like me is useless, and it’ll only hurt both of us in the end. I’d much rather have her as a friend than nothing at all.” Anya said. Lexa pulled her in and hugged her from the side, only getting a light tap of affection on her forearm from Anya in return. Anya stood up and gave Lexa a proper hug and kissed the top of her head. “I’m going to bed, I suggest you weirdo’s get some sleep as well.”

“Shitty.” Clarke says as she looks up at the brunette who is still tracking her roommate.

“Really shitty.” Lexa whispers and began to chew her finger nails.


	19. The Weekend: Part 4

“Quiet!” Lexa hisses.

“It’s my home, it’s a Sunday, I just want to watch TV.” Anya whispers back.

Clarke slowly comes into consciousness overhearing the conversation.

“She’s sleeping, don’t be rude” Lexa gestures over to the couch where Clarke rolls over and lifts her head. “It’s all good, I’m awake.” Her voice groggy, she yawns and wipes the sleep from her eyes.

“Sorry.” Lexa says as Anya turns on the television.

“Don’t be.” Clarke gets up and stretches her whole body and sits next to Lexa in the kitchen. “What are you eating?”

“Pop Tart. Want one?” Lexa pours Clarke a cup of coffee.

“I wouldn’t have pegged you for a sugary breakfast kind of person. I thought it was the most important meal of the day?”

Lexa shrugs, “It’s Sunday.” Getting back to the news she was reading on her tablet.

“Have you tried Toaster Strudels?” Clarke asked.

“Toaster what-nows?”

“Strudels. You’ve never tried toaster strudels!? You’ll love them; they’re my absolute favorite junky breakfast food!”

“I guess I’ll have to try them sometime.” Lexa shrugged and took another bite of her Pop Tart and scrolled through the newspaper.

“No, I’ll go get them now, another second with you not knowing what a Toaster Strudel is, is another second wasted!” Clarke jumped up and headed towards the door, Lexa watched in a mild disbelief. “I’m just going down the street to the corner store. I’ll be right back. I’m taking whoever’s keys these are.” Clarke left and Lexa barely had time to answer.

“Oh-okay.” She says as Clarke closes the door.

“So what’s going on between you two?” Anya says as she turns down the volume of the TV.

“What do you mean?” Lexa said, trying to ignore her, getting back to the news.

“You know what I mean. What happened in that fort last night?”

“The fort is Vegas, What happens there stays there.” Lexa gave up on the international events and went and sat on the couch.

“So you fucked? In your onsie, nice. You have better game than I thought.”

“No we didn’t. We watched movies and talked and stuff.” Lexa said as she distracted herself with a throw pillow.

“So you wanted to?” Any put her hand on the pillow to get Lexa’s attention.

“No! I mean, sure. Why not? She’s cute, but she doesn’t like me like that.” Lexa was looking anywhere but into Anya’s perceiving eyes.

“Oh my god you’re blushing! This is awesome!” Anya laughs, “How do you know she doesn’t like you like that?”

“How do you know Raven doesn’t like you like that?” She pushed back.

“Don’t avoid the question. But if you need to know, she told me that something recently went down with her long-term boyfriend and she’s not looking for anything. Bellamy was just a warm body. There. Now it’s your turn.”

“I don’t know. It’s just…” Lexa looked down and picked at her nails.

“Don’t you dare say ‘why would she want you’. You’re a fucking catch. Own it.”

“Thanks. It’s not that. I just feel like Clarke is going through something, I don’t want to complicate things for her.”

“I think if you like her and don’t do anything that’s more complicated.”

“You’re probably right.”

“Not probably. I am.” Anya tapped Lexa’s hand so that she would stop her bad habit, “It’s been a while since Costia, and I know you went through a lot with her, but I worry about you.”

“You sound like my mother.”

“Good. Jill is awesome.”

The door clicked open and they both looked up to see Clarke with a bag of brightly coloured boxes.

“I got Wild berry and Raspberry, Which one do you want?” Clarke’s smile stretches across her soft cheeks, Lexa can’t help but to smile back.

“Which one is better?” Lexa stands and makes her way back to the kitchen.

“Honestly? They all kinda taste the same. Except I hate Cherry.”

Lexa laughs “Alright, Wild berry.”

“Solid choice.” Clarke smiles and pops three strudels into the toaster. When they pop Lexa reaches to take them out.

“Fuck. It’s hot!” Lexa sucks on her thumb as the pastries fall to the plates.

“Yeah, they need to be, it ruins your life when they’re cold in the middle.”

“So what do we do, just eat it? Is there frosting on the inside?”

“No that’s the best part! You get these little packets of icing and you decorate it however you want!” Clarke says as she hands Lexa the small plastic tube of frosting, bringing a plate over to Anya in the living room. Clarke sits next to Lexa at the island in the kitchen. Lexa opens her icing package, but Clarke stops her from putting it onto the hot pastry.

“You want to wait for it to cool of just enough. If not it looks like someone jizzed on your strudel.”

“You couldn’t have told _me_ that!?” Anya says from the living room holding up her sloppy toaster pastry. They laugh Anya shrugs it off and eats her breakfast snack. After Clarke decides they’ve waited long enough she opens her icing and gets to work. Lexa watches Clarke lean over her plate, her steady hand manipulating the icing; her tongue pokes through her teeth in concentration. Lexa writes her name in looping letters and sucks on the leftover icing in the package. She waits until Clarke is finished. Clarke had drawn a little squid with thrashing tentacles and a cartoon smile, then swapped the plates and look a bite of Lexa’s strudel.

“Hey!” Lexa objected.

“What?” Clarke said with her mouth full, “You eat mine, I eat yours that’s the rule.”

“Is it?” Lexa raises her eyebrows.

“How come nobody told me that?” Anya says coming into the kitchen.

“Nobody wanted to eat your cum strudel” Lexa chuckled.

“I’ll have you know my ‘cum strudel’ is delicious and I’ve had no complaints in the past.” Anya smirked as the girls erupted into laughter.

“I don’t think I can eat this, it’s too pretty. I can’t destroy art like that, it’s not right.” Lexa says admiring Clarke’s creation.

“You’ve gotta eat my strudel!” Clarke felt a warmth spread over her cheeks, “it’s art that’s meant to be eaten.”

Lexa took a bite and let out a small sigh of appreciation. “You’re right this is way better than a Pop Tart, more fun too!” Clarke smiled as Lexa gobbled up her treat.

“What time do you work today?” Lexa asks as Clarke loaded the dishwasher.

“I have today off.”

“That’s awesome! I usually do a bit of yoga in the morning. You make yourself at home, watch TV or whatever.”

“Can I join you?”

“Of course.”

“I have to admit, I haven’t done a lot of yoga before, but it’s something I’ve wanted to try.”

 

Lexa was delighted to teach Clarke one of her favorite hobbies. She placed two mats in her usual yoga spot, the large east-facing window next to the television. She sat crossed legged facing Clarke showing her breathing techniques, then started taking her through a sun salutation sequence. Clarke was a fast learner, but would keep talking, babbling on about all the chances she’s had to do yoga and passed them up, and all of the apparent health benefits, and how she’s pretty sure Miller used to teach yoga. Lexa smiled, as she would sink deeper into her stretch, trying to focus on what her body was telling her, Clarke having a one-sided conversation next to her. Lexa kept watching Clarke and would move her arms or legs slightly to get them into the correct positions, giving instructions between Clarke’s verbalized thoughts. Lexa tried to tune them out but kept getting drawn back in.

“Why is it called the Pigeon Pose? It doesn’t really look like a pigeon, pigeons are usually fatter, or at least the one’s I’ve seen. Did whoever invented this pose call it the Pigeon, or whatever pigeon is in Hindi or Sanskrit? Or whatever language yoga was invented in, or is it some Americanized version and it means nothing except that they were naming things after animals to sound all Zen or whatever and they couldn’t think of anything cool that they hadn’t used yet, at least the cat pose sorta looks like a cat. Are there pigeons in India? I feel like pigeons are everywhere, but they can’t be, can they? What makes a pigeon able to live just about anywhere? What happened to carrier pigeons? Why are there so many pigeons? I bet if they organized themselves we’d have an Alfred Hitchcock’s ‘Birds’ situation on out hands.”

Lexa smirks at Clarke’s ramblings and continues in her sequence of poses. Clarke seemed overly perplexed when Lexa ended their session with savasana.

“How is this yoga? It’s just lying on the floor. Are you supposed to fall asleep? I don’t get it.”

Lexa sighed finally giving in to answer one of her many questions, “It’s a restorative pose. It calms your body and focuses your mind. You’re not supposed to sleep, you’re supposed be mindful of your body and energy. Meditate, this is a break for you mind and body before returning to the stress of life.”

“I think I’m good. Thanks for the yoga teach.” Clarke sat up crossed legged on the mat and was quiet while Lexa lay with her eyes closed, a minor upward curl to her lips. Lexa stayed in her position for a few minutes while Clarke sat patiently beside her. She sat up with a new found calm.

“You know, people don’t usually talk during yoga.” Lexa smiled, the sun through the window illuminating her features.

Clarke blushed, “You could’ve told me to shut up!”

“It was pretty entertaining, I have also wondered about the origins of the names, and the cultural differences between North American and Indian yoga practices.”

“When you put it like that I sound pretty smart.” A smile spread across Clarke’s face.

“You are smart Clarke.” Lexa watched Clarke shift uncomfortably, “You’re smart and you have ambition you just need to harness it, you’re destined for great things. Don’t allow anything or anyone, including yourself make you think other wise.”

Clarke broke their gaze and drew shapes with her finger on the yoga mat. “It’s just… _hard_.” She mumbled.

“I know. It’ll make it worth it in the long run.”

“I want to make everything stop. Just for a little while, so I can catch up and figure out what I’m doing. I want to hide in a blanket fort and be a kid again. I’m not ready for whatever is happening.” Clarke confessed as she looped her finger around on the mat.

“You are ready. I know it doesn’t feel like it but you can do it. And the world is never going to stop, I know it sucks to feel like you can’t do anything right.” Lexa assured her. There was a silence for quite some time as Lexa chose her next words.

“When I graduated University I didn’t have a job, or an apartment and I felt completely lost. On top of it all, my mum was sick in the hospital. Every time the phone rang someone on the other end was giving me bad news. I gained an irrational fear of the phone. So for a long time I just didn’t answer. I let everything go to voicemail. I was so tired, I wanted the world to stop, I wanted to just sit and be. I didn’t feel ready for any of it either. I let my voicemails pile up until my inbox was full. I was really grateful when a friend helped me through it. Anya got my butt in gear and we went through all of my messages together. Proving to me that you can’t just wish away or ignore you’re life and the responsibilities that go with it, you have to push on no matter how scary or painful.”

They sat crossed legged, watching each other in silence as moments drifted by. Clarke searched her emerald eyes that remained soft and inviting.

“Things will work out Clarke. But you shouldn’t allow your feelings to paralyse you.”

Clarke rested her hand on Lexa’s knee; at her touch Lexa tightened her molars together and swallowed, she felt her heart thud against her rib cage.

“Thank you.” Was all Clarke could think of to say. She felt incredibly close to the girl sitting in front of her, Clarke felt the need to share something about her life, but her words came up slow in her throat creating a blockage. She swallowed the bezoar of thoughts and feelings and moved forward, her face inches from Lexa’s she looked into her eyes and felt all of the exhilaration and anxiety of being lost in a forest. “Spider.” Clarke broke eye contact for a moment.

“What?” Lexa said breathless and confused.

Clarke lifted her hand from Lexa’s knee and pointed over her shoulder. “Spider. Here, I’ll kill it.” Clarke stood and walked toward the dangling intruder.

“No!” Lexa jumped in front of Clarke and with a gentle hand broke the thread and carried the suspended spider to the fire escape window where she let it out to be free.

“I didn’t know you were so against killing. Are you a vegetarian too?” Clarke asked.

“Just because I’m against arachnidcide? And you’ve seen me eat meat!” Lexa said confused.

“You’re right.” Clarke paused as a grin crept over her face, “Little Miss Word of the Day.” She teased.

Lexa smiled and walked to the bookshelf and tossed Clarke a dictionary.

“This is a good read, a favourite of mine.” Clarke laughed and put the book back on the shelf. She looked around the room that was filled with the afternoon sun, her eyes fixated on something hidden behind the old leather chair.

“Do you play guitar?” Clarke asked as she pulled the instrument out from its hiding spot.

“Me? Oh no, I don’t have a musical bone in my body, I’m not sure if you could tell by my _amazing_ singing abilities last night.” Lexa smiled as she made herself comfortable on the couch, “Anya used to play.”

Clarke sat in the chair and strummed on the guitar. “It’s been a while for me too.” She said playing a few chords. “I’ve missed it.”

“You sound good.” Lexa watched Clarke as she concentrated on her fingers on the strings, sticking her tongue through her teeth.

“I was thinking of doing open mic at The Ark. Jasper said he’d play piano if I sang.”

“That sounds like a great idea, are you going to do it?”

Clarke shook her head. “We only ever talked about it, I feel like you have to put in more actual planning for that kind of thing.”

“I guess. You should still do it. From what I can tell you’re pretty musically talented. Even if you just sang a song from Rent, I’d go watch you.”

Clarke continued to strum a melody that was beautiful and unfamiliar. Lexa let the music wash over her, she let her muscles relax and her heart seemed to slow as the musical vibrations filled the room. She wanted to close her eyes and let the sounds consume her, but she couldn’t bear to take her eyes off of Clarke, who looked at peace, her hair golden and glowing from the light through the windows, catching the floating dust particles in the air making it look like snow was dancing around her.

“So what do you want to do today?”

Lexa was brought out of her mesmerized state. “I don’t care. My big plans were to have a lazy day. What do you want to do?”

“I dunno. I kinda feel like using some of your mum’s art stuff. Maybe paint something.”

 

Anya returned that evening from wherever she went Clarke and Lexa didn’t notice her leave. Lexa was napping quietly on the couch with a book open on her chest and a blanket over her legs. Clarke sat sketching in the armchair in the corner, her sketchbook resting on her knees that were pulled up to her chest. Her brow furrowed in concentration, the only sounds in the apartment were her pencils scratching on the pad. Anya shut the door with a slam interrupting the peaceful scene. Lexa startled awake, and Clarke hastily put away her book and sat on the couch next to Lexa her hand resting on her knee to comfort her from the unceremonious wake up.

“Hey, hey, you’re okay.” Clarkes voice was calm and nurturing. Lexa nodded her response.

“Did you guys stay here all day? You haven’t moved since I left.” Anya said putting bags on the kitchen counter.

“I guess not.” Lexa said rubbing her eyes.

“Don’t let her shut in habits wear off on you Clarke, you may never see daylight again.”

“Hey, I do stuff! It’s Sunday, it’s supposed to be lazy.” Lexa said, mildly offended.

“Sure you do.” Anya rolled her eyes, “You’ve been known to lock yourself away from time to time there Lex.”

Clarke shrugged her shoulders and smiled, “I had a great day, It’s nice to stay in and relax, it helps slow the world down a bit.” Her hand that was still on Lexa’s knee moved down, leaving a trail of sparks that Lexa closed her eyes to try to ignore. Lexa stood letting Clarke’s hand fall.

“I’ll make dinner.”

Anya shooed her away, “No, no, no, you’ve done it the last few nights it’s my turn, plus I just went shopping. I had a craving for tacos, what about you guys?”

“Sounds perfect” Clarke said from the couch, “Do you need any help?”

“I’m good.” Anya said, then looked at her roommate, “Seriously Lex, I’ve got this you sit down and relax.” Lexa stared for a moment and Anya gave her a wink. Lexa rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue before returning to her spot next to Clarke and turned on the TV.

“What do you wanna watch?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Clarke shrugged.

“Do you like The West Wing?” Lexa asked switching over to Netflix.

“Never seen it.”

“Oh, you’ll like it it’s about a US President, his staff, their personal and professional lives, and the inner workings of politics.” Lexa paused, “I didn’t sell that well, but it’s actually pretty good.”

“Like Scandal?”

“No.”

“House of Cards?”

“No. A lot less hard core and shock value-y, but you get to know the characters and watch them learn and grow and make hard choices.”

“Okay awesome. Put it on!”

They watched together as Anya prepared their meal and then they all ate on their laps watching the show. Clarke and Lexa cleaned up and Anya went off to her room. They continued to binge until their breathing slowed and their eyes became heavy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Weekend only has four parts, which bothers the more anal side of me, but that's just how it was divided up:)


	20. Monday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been ages since I've updated, i had a weird urge to add to this monstrosity. i haven't watched any of the 100 since season 3

Clarke woke up and blinked around the dark room. The television had a dim glow; Netflix was asking if they were still watching. There was a warm weight on her chest breathing steadily, Clarke looked down at Lexa who looked so peaceful sharing the small space the couch provided. Clarke became very aware of her hands that were wrapped around Lexa’s waist. Lexa’s head rested on her shoulder and it was impossible not to breathe in her scent. Hints of Jasmine and vanilla that had faded into Lexa’s natural soft, sweet smell; Clarke closed her eyes and fell into a state of dream like consciousness before jolting her eyes awake. She felt a panic rush through her she had to get up, but didn’t want to disturb the sleeping girl. Clarke’s right arm and leg were pinned to the back of the couch by Lexa. She moved slowly and with care, watching Lexa’s angelic features as she distanced her left leg from the rest of her body and placed it on the hard wood floor. Clarke shimmied her upper body towards the edge of the cushion, then very gently moved Lexa’s head off of her shoulder and she carefully slid her arm out from under her. Lexa made a soft grunt as she nuzzled her face deeper into the cushion; Clarke moved Lexa’s limp arm off of her chest and put it next to the sleeping girl. Clarke let out the breath she had been holding. Now her legs were the only things still intertwined. Clarke moved inch by inch unlocking the puzzle until she was free. Clarke put a blanket over Lexa on the couch then walked to her bag and pulled sweatpants and her dad’s old DCU sweater over her clothes. She opened the window and stepped out on to the fire escape closing it behind her being careful not to make any access noise. Her breath steamed the air, the cold of the morning stings in her lungs, she pulls her arms around her chest and sits with her knees to her chest watching the silence of the city before her. It was a beautiful view the stars in the sky were beginning to fade as dawn approached; the city sparkled like a Christmas tree even with so many buildings dark. Traffic and streetlights with the odd storefront lit up the tall buildings downtown were far enough away to not be intruding, but adding a fascination to the skyline. Clarke let the silence of the city extend into her mind. She was anxious and she couldn’t place the source. A tap came on the window, Clarke moved to slide it open, Lexa passed her a hot cup of coffee and climbed through.  
“Are you okay?” Lexa asked searching Clarke’s eyes.  
“Everything’s fine. I was just thinking.” Clarke said.  
“Should I go? Give you some privacy with your thoughts?” Lexa asked   
Clarke shook her head “No, don’t do that, I-…” Clarke took a sip from the mug, “Thank you for the coffee.”  
“No problem,” Lexa wrapped herself tighter in her fluffy bathrobe, “I guess we fell asleep, I figured you must be exhausted.”  
“I slept pretty well actually.” Her eyes glisten in the dark like coins in a wishing fountain.  
They sat together on the fire escape on the cold march morning in a comfortable silence as they watched the city slowly come to life. Birds filled the silence with the sounds of morning; cars flowed into the streets like a trickle, then a stream then a river, beginning the workweek. The sun stretched over the buildings, casting a golden shadow on everything it touched. Lexa watched Clarke gaze off, absorbing the new day, she would catch herself staring and would refocus on the horizon before being distracted by her once again. Lexa cleared her throat and excused herself to get ready for work.  
Lexa was in the shower when Anya came back from her run.  
“Morning.” Clarke said as she washed out her mug in the sink. Anya nodded, pouring herself a glass of water.  
“How’d you sleep?” Anya asked after draining half the glass.  
“Good.” Clarke’s cheek twitched, she kept her head down and focused on the mug that she was scrubbing more than necessary.   
“You two looked pretty comfortable.” Anya’s eyebrows raised and she took a breath. “I don’t like telling people what to do... Well I do, but I know Lexa can take care of herself.” Clarke looked up at Anya at the sound of Lexa’s name. “She protects herself. Her walls are always up. Somehow you’ve been able to get her to open up a bit, and that’s good. I don’t know what your plan is, but don’t hurt her.” Anya finished and stared at Clarke. Clarke’s chest tightened and it hurt her to force eye contact with Anya’s x-ray vision. Clarke didn’t think she had intentions. She had had a wonderful weekend. They laughed, talked, and were able to relax together; Clarke could not remember a time where she felt such effortless comfort.  
“I-I…we’re not... I mean…” Clarke started; feeling the blood rush out of her extremities from being put on the spot like this. “Lexa and I are friends, I wouldn’t do anything to hurt her.”  
Anya nodded accepting Clarke’s answer and without another word she disappeared into her room.

Clarke arrived at work and was surprised to see Finn. He was not looking good. His eyes were bloodshot surrounded with dark circles. His hair was dishevelled; his skin was so pale she could see his blue veins snake up his thin arms. He smelled like vinegar and manure. Clarke walked past him and said hello, but he did not acknowledge her presence as he cleared off a table.  
“So Finn’s back.” Clarke said to Octavia who’s refilling ketchup bottles.  
“That’s what it looks like.”  
“What happened to him? He looks awful.”   
Octavia shrugs “Marcus is in today. He’ll talk to him.”  
“Is he going to be fired?”  
Octavia shrugs again. “Who knows, Marcus tends to pity the downtrodden.”  
Clarke holds her tongue, thinking of everyone who works in the Ark, they all have their baggage, Octavia is probably right about Marcus.  
“How was your weekend with Lincoln?” She changes the subject and Octavia begins to gush.  
“OhMAGaUD it was AH-Mazing!” Octavia’s dark eyes were wide and she leaned forward, “He set up my apartment like a fancy apartment with mood lighting and music and everything! He made this delicious maple salmon thing with a salad it was delicious! We had wine and we talked forever about nothing and everything you know? I just felt so comfortable with him, so at ease, I would tell him my darkest secrets without him needing to ask or anything, I just wanted him to know me. Every part of me.” Octavia babbled enthusiastically.  
“That sounds great O, I’m really happy for you.”  
“Plus he’s really good in bed and I could be as loud as I wanted! I think the neighbours hate me.” Octavia couldn’t wipe the smile off her face.  
Clarke laughed and rolled her eyes “Well, I’m glad I wasn’t on the couch then.”  
“How was your weekend?” Octavia asked.  
“It was fun!” Clarke said fading into memory, “We made a fort and did yoga and stuff.”   
“Sounds fun, are you staying there again tonight? Or should I get my couch ready?”  
“Umm, I’m not sure, we didn’t discuss it this morning.” Clarke said a hint of distress crept in.  
“I’m sure we’ll see her here tonight. Also. Phones are a thing.” Octavia smiled.   
The door to the bar swung open and Raven was standing in the frame with a large duffle bag. Clarke and Octavia went over to help her with her things.  
“Fuck, moving sucks!” She groans as she sat on a stool. Clarke poured her a drink and she took it greedily.  
“Just so you know, Finn’s here.” Clarke motioned her head motioned towards the back room where Marcus was speaking with him in his office.  
“Great.” Raven jeered. “I’m not even gonna ask for my shit back, I have realised I’m a hoarder and need to get rid of some anyway.”  
“He’s the biggest piece of crap you got rid of so you’re well on your way!” Octavia chimed in.  
“He’s a good guy,” Raven said softly, “He just doesn’t deal well with feelings, or change or, well…” “Anything” Clarke and Raven said in sync bringing a weak smile to both their faces.   
The bar was nearly empty so the three girls sat and chatted until Marcus emerged from his office. He scratched his beard and looked utterly defeated. He walked up to the group of chattering girls.  
“Hey, you guys did great work short staffed this weekend. I’m going to hire on some part time help so it doesn’t happen again.” He said apologetically.  
“Ask John if he wants to some up front, I know he says he doesn’t but he did a great job and I’m sure he’d appreciate the tips.” Clarke said.  
“You think he’d get tips with his demeanour?” Raven scoffed.  
“He’s a good guy when he wants to be.” Clarke defended him without hesitation, and not a clear sense of why.  
“And he made a decent server.” Octavia added.  
“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.” Marcus smiled.  
“Is Finn losing his job?” Octavia asked bluntly.  
“No. He’s gone through a tough time; I wouldn’t want to make it harder on him. But he’s on probation, and he’s moving down to part time.”  
Octavia, Raven, and Clarke exchanged glances. Clarke felt like she should give Octavia five dollars for the non-existent bet they had. Raven kept her mask on covering her hurt from what Finn did to her and her relief that her long time ex-lover would not be hung out to dry. 

Clarke and Octavia began to set up for Open Mic Night, bringing the speakers and equipment from storage. Finn was out on a smoke break avoiding everyone and everything. Raven worked with Monty on the old electronics at the bar with a beer in her hand.   
“…I mean, he just kinda disappeared you know? I got my apology if you can call it that, but it’s weird.” Raven was talking to Monty as they fiddled with the equipment.   
“Break ups are hard.” Monty nodded allowing Raven to vent some more.

Bellamy slumped in the stool next to Raven and Monty, he looked around at the bustling bar and at his sister busy setting up, he leaned over the bar and grabed a tall glass and poured himself a frothy beer, holding it up with a nod to his sister who nodded in recognition back towards him. “Well, fuck, whatta day” he said to particularly no one, but interrupting Raven and Monty’s conversation. Raven leaned back, away from the circuit board she was fiddling with. “I hear ya bud.” she took a large swig of her drink and finished it, placing the empty in front of Bellamy who refilled it. “Where’s Jasper? It’s weird seeing you without him, Monty” Monty looked around the bar “He said he’d be around here later, he’s out again with that girl Mona.”   
“I think you mean Maya,” said Raven, nudging Monty’s shoulder.  
“Right, right, that’s what I meant, Maya” Monty dove back into tinkering with the hunk of metal in front of him on the bar.  
“So Ray, what are you doing tonight?” Bellamy asked trying to sound nonchalant.  
“Not you!” Raven let out a laugh then stopped when Bellamy looked a bit hurt “Like, no offense, I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”   
“Fair enough, but if you change your mind.” Bellamy gave a puppy dog smile and Raven playfully pushed him away.  
“How is it? Living with those two?” Bellamy asked.  
“It’s fun, there’s always fun little projects and experiments, but honestly it’s hard not to feel a little left out, or like a third wheel.” Said Raven.  
“Hey we would never leave you out on purpose!” Monty protested.  
“Yeah, but it’s like you guys have your own language, you finish each others sentences, you know what the other is thinking or doing or feeling without any sort of communication known to the rest of the world…” Raven added quickly “It’s not a bad thing! You guys have known each other for a long time, you work well together.”  
Bellamy joined in, “I really miss the guys from my unit that I had that short hand with.” Monty smiled, Raven leaned into him “You guys are great roommates, I wouldn’t change a thing.”  
The bar door opened letting out some of the warmth and Jasper and his dark haired counterpart were laughing as they entered and made their way towards their friends on the bar stools.  
“Hey we were just talking about you!” Bellamy says slapping Jaspers back.  
“All good things I hope!” Jasper hops on the stool next to Monty and Maya sits on his right. John Murphy emerges from the back and puts down the tray of glasses, hot from the dishwasher, to serve to growing group at the bar. John refills Bellamys glass, giving him a look that says, you know, you really shouldn’t be serving yourself, asshole. That’s my job. John wasn’t Bellamy’s biggest fan, not that he was a fan of many people. Bellamy gave a “thanks, bud” that was not his usual social tone. Jasper ordered for Maya and it looked as though she liked that he did, Monty rolled his eyes and ordered a double.  
“Who’s that girl Finn’s talking to?” Jasper asked as Murphy placed a beer and a vodka cranberry in front of him.  
“Do you mean Clarke?” Raven said pointing towards the blonde setting up speakers in the cleared corner of the bar reserved for a performance space.  
“Nah, she was older, tall, dark hair” Jasper leaned into Monty and whispered “hot” “They were just outside in the alley behind the bar.” Jasper looks at the row of confused faces, Bellamy gets up to go investigate, but sits down again when they watch Finn slink from the kitchen to the main room, looking around suspicious of the buzz of the bar room he grabs a rag and starts cleaning off some tables.  
“We should ask him” Bellamy starts to move out of his seat again, but Raven puts a hand on his shoulder, settling him onto the stool once more.   
“It doesn’t matter who she is, I don’t want to know anyway.” Raven says her eyes following Finn, her demeanour contradicting her statement. Raven is brought out of her deep thought spiral by Clarke’s hand on her shoulder.  
“Hey are you guys finished with the equalizer thingy? We’re almost finished setting up for tonight.”   
“Umm, yeah, give us like another fifteen minutes and we should be good to go.” Monty replies for Raven who just takes a sip of her beer.   
“Awesome. Thank you.” Clarke says, “Hey Jasper, do you want to do me a favour?”   
“Depends. Nothing sexual!” Jasper puts his arm around Maya and she leans in to his slender frame. “But I suppose we could negotiate terms; my safe word is pineapple.” Clarke rolls her eyes and breathes out a laugh of sorts. “Would you want to play piano for me tonight? For open mic? We kinda talked about it before and…” Jasper squeezed Mayas shoulders and cut off Clarkes rambling. “Yeah, no worries, I’d love to.” Clarke’s lips part to show a toothy grin “Awesome! Thank you! I’ll put our names down, I’ll talk to you in a bit about what song and stuff!” Jasper salutes with a smile as Clarke rushes off to finish setting up and Maya kisses his cheek. “I didn’t know you were musically talented.” She says, Jasper blushes, his face flushes red and his vibe went from confident geek to fumbling geek. There is a moment of vulnerability between the two of them and then he smiles, his mouth goofy and lopsided “Baby, I am a man of many talents.” He does his best cool guy wink, and Monty shoots finger guns for Maya’s benefit. They laugh and Jasper tosses some bar nuts at Monty, Monty opens his mouth and catches one in midair.

The day slid into darkness, but inside the warm, welcoming atmosphere of the Ark, the only evidence of the passage of time was the increasing number of people coming in and shaking off the cold; the door opening wide enough every once in a while for a glimpse of the outside world. The Ark staff was busy taking orders and pouring drinks, Marcus took his place as MC in the stage area introducing the local talent and forcing a half hearted applause from the half listening audience to the covers of ‘Wonderwall’ and ‘Take me to Church’. The door swung open wide allowing a slender figure made bulky with winter layers to come in from the chilled night. As the layers were shed as if a second, goose down and wool skin Lexa came into focus. She stood below a fixture which acted as a spotlight, Clarke did a double take and made her way towards Lexa, highlighted and looking around the busy bar. Clarke thought as though an angelic choir should be the background music instead of Miller’s rendition of ‘Piano Man’.   
“Hey, looking for someone?” Lexa finally registered the girl who had made her way through the crowd and was now in front of her. A wave of relief relaxed her tensed muscles ever so slightly. “Yeah, actually, umm, have you seen a tall, bald, older, business-y looking guy?” Clarke hid her disappointment of the hopes it had been her she was looking for, she had spent the day thinking of the weekend and she wanted more of the feeling she had when they were together. “I don’t think so, but there’s still a table in the corner open if you want to call dibs.” Lexa leaned in and gave her a quick hug, thanked her and left to the table, leaving Clarke stunned in the spotlight.   
Clarke spent much of her time watching the corner where Lexa was sitting. She watched as the tall, bald businessman came in, immediately looking out of place. The man looked like a mortician, thin lipped and tense or possibly corpse recently prepped for viewing, his behaviour did not dissuade Clarke’s assumptions; his quick, formal greeting with Lexa before they both took their seats and examined the menu a little too closely; as not to rush through the small talk or pleasantries to quickly in fear of having nothing to fill the silence with later. She wondered if Lexa was really having a business meeting at the bar, or a horribly awkward date with a man who could be her father. She wished she could get closer to their table to find out more details; unfortunately it was in Finn’s section. Besides having her own tables to keep her busy, Clarke had been giving Finn a wide birth. He was looking sickly and acting stranger and more withdrawn than usual.

“… And so Anya thought it would be a good idea if I ran for City Council, and I’m considering it.” Lexa finished, she had practiced her little speech for Titus so many times in front of the mirror and in front of Anya, saying it finally to his face was more of a relief than the scotch that she chased her announcement with.  
“It sounds as though you’ve thought this through, I just hope you’re not getting in over your head.” Titus’ steely look was one that constantly put Lexa on edge, he was never satisfied and never overly supportive, giving his doubts whenever he seemed they fit, but never cracking a smile, never showing anything past his facade. Lexa had given up on finding his lighter side, but was forever disappointed when he failed to congratulate her, or tell her he was proud. Lexa was surveying her surroundings in hopes to see their server, she needed another drink, they had run through all of their usual pleasantries quickly, “How’s your mother? How’s work?” she had even told Titus her big news greeted with hid usual lackluster response and Finn had still not come back to take their order or refill their drinks. Lexa worried she might have to revert to comments on the weather. She finally spotted Finn and refrained from snapping or waving her arms wildly to catch his attention.  
“Hey, you guys ready to order?” he looked bored and smelled like cigarettes. Titus gave Lexa a look that told her that she most likely wouldn’t be picking the venue of their next get together.  
“Yes. We will get a bottle of your house pinot and two steaks, medium rare.” Titus ordered for them, Lexa wasn’t a fan of being ordered for, but it was something she had come to expect from her meals with Titus. She said a silent goodbye to her hopes of another scotch as Finn cleared their glasses; and was brought out of her quiet mourning when a familiar voice rang through the bar. She looked up and saw Clarke softly strumming a guitar, her voice husky and warm the lyrics dripping like molasses from her tongue. At first the tune seemed non-distinct, just a melancholic melody, then they became clearer as she was drawn in by the waitress’ ballad.  
… break down, only alone I will cry out now  
you’ll never see what’s hiding out  
hiding out deep down, yeah, yeah  
I know I’ve heard that to let your feelings show  
Is the only way to make friendships grow  
But I’m too afraid now, yeah, yeah….  
It took her a minute the pace and the tune had been slowed and changed but she realised that Clarke was singing an acoustic cover of Sia’s ‘Unstoppable’. She restrained herself from giving a standing ovation Titus eyed her until the food came. 

Clarke’s heart had stopped and she wasn’t sure if it was a better feeling than the hummingbird speed her heat had been beating while she was singing. It had been a very long time since she had last performed in front of people. The mild applause was a nicer reaction than what she had feared, and Jasper had given her a hug to help escort her out of the stage area.  
“That was awesome guys, great job!” Monty gave his praise as Jasper gave Maya a hug and Clarke picked up her tray. She thanked him and got back to work, peering over into the corner where Finn was blocking the view of the table she had been spying on. Octavia slapped her butt while walking past a simultaneous ‘good work’ and ‘get back to it’. Clarke slipped behind the bar and refilled Harper’s beer, she was talking with Bellamy and flirtatiously pushing him away with over enthusiastic laughter. Clarke wondered what had happened with the golden-eyed girl, she had left with the other day.  
“Hey great job out there, I didn’t know you could sing” Bellamy said then finished his beer. Clarke took the Glass and gave him a new full one. “Thanks” She smiled and cleared empties from the bar top. Someone started singing a Nancy Sinatra song, but attention was diverted from the stage when a bang and crash and an aggravated shriek that demanded the whole bars attention; now it wasn’t just Clarke who was watching the table in the corner.

Even though she was at the other side of the bar Clarke was one of the first to reach the scene. There was Finn whose pale sunken face had turned scarlet that matched the wine stain he was fumbling over the tall brunette’s formally white blouse. He was getting in to dangerous territory, and Lexa looked as though she would tie him to a post and stab him a million times. Clarke stepped in and Finn rushed off into the kitchen to get a broom and dustpan to clean up the tray of broken glasses he had dropped when he bumped into the table. Octavia did crowd control as the bar settled and put a little more focus back on Marcus and the performer who had stuck to the show must go on mentality and sang through the commotion. Clarke ushered Lexa into the back room.  
“I know I saw some t-shirts back here, you can change and we can get your shirt into some soda water before the stain sets in.” Clarke said as she looked through boxes on the shelves, going up on her tippy toes to get a better look. Lexa was furious, she hated looking less than perfect in front of Titus who always demanded perfection; tonight was the perfect storm of what she expected he would use as reasons she wasn’t ready for the City Council position. Everything had happened in slow motion she was distracted by Clarke’s performance, then Costia and all the feelings she brings up, feelings that Titus never approved of, and singing Nancy Sinatra’s ‘Bang Bang’ the perfect soundtrack for some clumsy, cracked out looking server to trip over their table with a full tray of food and drink dumping nearly a whole bottle of red wine on her blouse then copping a feel as he tried to clean up ‘my baby shot me down’.   
“That server should be fired.” Lexa’s voice was commanding and succinct, fuelled by rage. Clarke was nervous, she hadn’t seen much of this side of Lexa but she knew from her reputation that it existed and it was a force to be reckoned with. Clarke felt responsible for Finn, for his behaviour, it had been her and their (for lack of a better word) breakup that sent him into this tail spin, he was on thin ice with Marcus and his clumsy performance wouldn’t look good either, but she had to protect him from the wrath of Lexa.  
“He didn’t mean anything, it was a total accident, he’s going through a rough time, please, let me handle it.” Clarke pleaded, she didn’t know exactly how she would help Finn, but she knew she had to try. Lexa looked at Clarke her jaw clenched, eyes set, she nodded. “Thank you” Clarke said, trying to hide her relief and desperation. She finally found the box of shirts and dug through unsuccessfully looking for something smaller than an XL. She passed the shirt to Lexa a peace offering of sorts. Lexa took a deep breath and let herself relax a little, she softened as the held Clarke’s gaze, and let herself smile. The wine on her shirt made it cling to her body, Clarke had noticed and had been doing her best not to look too long, and now she was in a stand off staring competition, she was certain Lexa had caught her appreciating the subtle curvatures of her breasts and abdomen. Lexa was the first to break eye contact; her hooded eyes examined the soft arc of Clarke’s lips. She cleared her throat bringing them both back to reality in the small dark corner of the back room of the bar.   
“I’ll put this on so you can save my blouse.” Clarke gave a nod and turned to give her privacy. Lexa’s long nimble fingers worked quickly unbuttoning her top, it slid off of her and she placed it on the shelf behind her, Clarke glanced over her shoulder and caught a glimpse of Lexa, her arms stretched above her head, slipping into the enormous black Gilden T, showing off her black bra and tight body, the wine stained shirt did not do her justice. Clarke’s mouth watered as she snapped her head forward.  
“You can turn around now.” Lexa informed her. She spun and smiled to herself, not at all surprised that she still looked good in the baggy cotton shirt. She took a few steps closing the space between them and she reached for the shirt on the shelf, their bodies almost touching now. Clarke looked up, her gaze hesitating on Lexa’s lips for a moment before meeting her eyes. Her heartbeat in her ears, she could feel the heat coming off of the other girl’s body, the magnetism drawing them closer. The door clicked and Murphy stepped into the small room.  
“Hey umm Clarke we need you back out- oh… shit, sorry…” and he dipped back out closing the door. Clarke snapped out of her hypnotized state, she realised she had been holding her breath. She forced a nervous chuckle and stepped away from Lexa.  
“I’ll get this stain out” she held up the shirt and exited quickly, Leaving Lexa to regain some composure before she went back to the noisy bar. 

Clarke’s hands shook she put the blouse in a bucket with a trade secret mixture of soda water, detergent, and bleach. She took a few deep breaths preparing herself to go back out into the bar floor. Murphy was watching her from his post in front of the sink.  
“We can trade places, I’ll go serve, you do dishes.” He offered.  
“I’m alright, I just need a minute.” Clarke breathed.  
“I’m sorry I uuhh, interrupted…” He reached for his flask in his back pocket, but then realised it was empty.  
“You didn’t interrupt anything.”  
“It really looked like …something.”   
“It’s nothing John. Drop it.” Clarke snapped and left the kitchen, the doors swinging in her wake. 

Lexa sat with Titus, his words falling on deaf ears; he stood up and gathered his coat Lexa followed suit, walking out into the crisp evening, not feeling the chill, still being warmed by the memory of the girl in the back room. Not hearing the steady clip clop of Titus’ Berluti Oxfords, Costia’s song loud in her head. Costia, it had been almost a year since Costia. It took Lexa a moment to realise it was her, the hauntingly familiar tune, ‘I was five and she was six, we rode on horses made of sticks’ Costia always a fan of the oldies, she would strum a guitar in her living room while Lexa studied, a picture of domesticated bliss, they had been in each others lives for so long they didn’t know anything different, everything was comfortable. ‘She wore black and I wore white, she would always win the fight.’ Now things had changed, Clarke invaded her thoughts, unwelcomed at first. The weekend had been filled with a new kind of comfort and ease; she had been fighting these new feelings for Clarke, and now the almost kissed. ‘Bang, bang, you shot me down,’ Lexa had to restrain herself in the back room, her eyes had lingered, she longed for her touch ‘bang, bang, I hit the ground,’ but what was Clarke thinking, had she just made up this courtship from her own desperation, or was there something there? ‘Bang, bang, that awful sound.’ Now was not the time to be distracted by a girl, Lexa’s new mantra it seemed. Costia a witness to Lexa unravelling, and Clarke there, a symptom. ‘bang, bang, my baby shot me down…’

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing FanFiction. Please be nice:)


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